so this morning i woke up and my car was dead.

I really hate to start out the day complaining, but I'm so tired of being poor and for some reason I feel much better after a mini bitch session. Sean and I currently have 2 cars, and because his is on it's last leg and he has further of a drive to work.... I decided to basically be Mother Theresa and trade cars with him. Big mistake. The car had to be jumped yesterday after work, and this morning it still wouldn't start. Thankfully though, I was able to walk to work and I treated myself to a Venti Iced Coffee for the hell of it. Hey, it's the little things right?

It's just that being poor sucks. I work really hard at a really stressful job, and my bank account still goes into the negatives more times than I'd like. I have to cancel dinner/brunch/happy hour/etc plans with friends because I never have any money, and honestly it's embarrassing. Sean and I make pretty good salaries, but between student loans and rent... we are beyond broke. Every month we have to decide which bills to pay on time, and debate on if we should buy groceries and if so how many. I can't tell you how many times I eat a can of soup for lunch or tuna. I also can't tell you the last time I ate a dorito.... and I looooove doritos.

This is why I get SO IRKED by politicians, specifically extremely weathy white males who have no idea what it feels like to work hard and still not get paid enough. Have you been following the Wall Street Protestors? Basically, they are protesting because they are tired of the corruption in our government. It's not political-party based, it's just simply American's who are tired of working hard and getting short handed.

If you haven't already, please look at the ignorant comment that Republican Candidate Herman Cain made in a public interview:

"Don't blame Wall Street, don't blame the big banks, if you don't have a job and you're not rich, blame yourself!" Cain said. "It is not a person's fault because they succeeded, it is a person's fault if they failed. And so this is why I don't understand these demonstrations and what is it that they're looking for."

Sure there's a degree of personal responsibility when it comes to wealth. But there are some poor people, myself included, who work their asses off every day just to make ends meet. How dare some one make such an outlandish assumption about a group of people that they obviously don't know very much about.

I hate politics. Enough about that.

This is what I am lucky enough to look at every day that I walk to and from work. Driving, I don't usually take notice and I miss a lot of the beauty. So I'm thankful that I was not only healthy enough and able to walk to work, but that I only had to walk 2 miles and the scenery was freakin' gorgeous. Plus, it felt pretty good to feel the cool fall air on my skin and I arrived to work feeling more refreshed than usual.

I'm thankful for my husband, who woke up early this morning and did all of the dishes that I didn't have the energy to wash last night after dinner. He also cooked for me last night, and made me laugh after a somewhat annoying day at work.

I'm thankful that I have a job, and that although I am struggling... my bills are getting paid and I am totally independent, which also feels pretty amazing. I'm smart and have learned a lot at my current job which will make transitioning into a new career field much easier. As a matter of fact, I went on an interview last week and I have another today. It feels good to have options.

I'm thankful for my friends, especially my best friend Brittany who has taken a vow with me to explore Richmond and meet new people and see new places. We've already discovered a really sweet place for brunch and a new bar that has some amazing live bands -- the Weezer Cover Band two weeks ago was particularly awesome!

And finally, I'm thankful for what little money that I do have and also thankful that I work hard for it and appreciate every last penny. I don't have to stand outside holding a cardboard sign, and I don't ever have to skip meals. I have plenty of options, and I'm lucky and thankful that I'm at a time in my life when I can explore them. Who know's what's around the corner...

It's important to be thankful for what you do have, and it's also okay to get upset when things don't go as you might have planned. Every emotion is sacred, and should be felt and then let go again. The Universe has a way of balancing things out, and I do believe that if you keep working hard you will be rewarded.

What are you thankful for?



Oh, Arizona......

I don't normally use this space to vent about politics, but this is something that has been on my mind for quite some time. This morning I woke up and turned on the TV. It just happen to be a documentary with Spanish subtitles, and something kept me watching. The documentary is called Which Way Home and I haven't been able to think of much else today other than what I saw in this film.

I'm a sucker for documentaries. But this was more heart wrenching than I bargained for this morning and as I watched with tears swelling in my eyes, I decieded that people need to let go of their fears and stop judging people when they don't really know who they are and what they need.

There has been a lot said about Arizona and their new immigration law lately. Heck, there has been a lot of discussion about illegal immigration for a while now. A lot of hate and rejection and misunderstanding. And most of all, a hell of a lot of fear.

I can't say what I feel is a completely fair answer to our current illegal immigrant situation. All I know is what we have now isn't working. At all. It's a public display of racism and fear tactics and punishing a group of people without providing an individual face or even a name. Because that may make it a little too real. People may start to care. And we can't have that, can we?

A lot of people come to America because they want to provide a life for their family. Many of the children in this documentary wanted to reunite with parents, sisters or family members, and some of them just wanted to work for a little while so that they could earn money for school. I felt embarrassed as I watched a little girl crying because she imagined the US as a place where she could smile and be happy and be reunited with her sisters. And I have the actual nerve to complain about my job.

My dogs live better than these children.

My heart literally broke as I watched bodies being taken home to desperate mother's. Bodies of dead children, who did not make it through the desert and were so decayed that their parents weren't able to even look at their bodies. These children left their homes for a better life, and when they got to America it was not at all what they expected.

One boy turned himself in at the border, because he witnessed a mother and daughter being raped in a boxcar he was traveling in. By 15 men. Child after child told stories of police officers beating them and stealing their money. They left so full of hope, but day by day they were even more beat down. Some even regretted being born. Children shouldn't be treated like this. Nor should anyone. It's sick.

I felt a lump in my throat as I watched how brave they all tried to appear. Like it was no big deal that they could die at any moment. One man said that he felt sad when he saw children trying to cross the boarder, because he was so afraid himself that he couldn't imagine being that young and that far from their families. Two boys talked about how they saw some kids killed right in front of them, just by standing on top of the train and not ducking in time to miss the top of the tunnels. A lot of kids are run over by trains and many are lucky to survive with missing legs or arms. But they still take on the journey, even knowing the risks.

How can peoples hearts be so hardened that they can't see that something needs to change. The current system puts so many barriers between immigrants and legal citizenship. What would you do if your family was suffering and needed food. Clean water. Shoes. One boy wanted to make some money so that he could rescue his mother from his abusive step father. I can't say that I wouldn't do the same. I just hope in that situation I could be half as brave and half as determined.

We all have our differences, but as humans we are basically 99% the same. We all want to be loved, to learn, to have freedom. Nobody wants to see their families suffer, and the only hope many of these people have is the idea of a better life in America.

These are people. They aren't animals and they aren't monsters. More importantly, children are dying or being raped or becoming drug addicts because of their dream. The American Dream. The idea that if they were just given a chance, things could be better. They could grow up and become doctors. Help their communities. Rescue their families. Make a difference.

That's a lot weighing on a child's heart. To be a hero. To risk your life at just the possibility of finding something better.

I am disappointed in our country. And I really don't mind offending anyone, because whoever can see these people suffering and turn away or hate them or say they should be thrown in jail doesn't have my respect. Actually, I feel very sorry for people who are unable to love without conditions.

I choose to love these people. I don't even know them, but I feel connected to their spirits as human beings. I wish I could go to Mexico and hug them and take my hands and wipe the tears off of their faces. I want to tell them that it will be alright. That they won't suffer for long. That things will change, because they deserve to be happy.

I want to tell them that soon we will all wake up, and that this was just a very very bad dream.