A New Day!

my view on the walk to work every morning... sometimes i pretend that i have woken up on that small island ;)

This year was by far the best birthday that I have had in quite sometime... possibly ever. First of all, thank you so much to everyone who made me feel loved and special and especially to Sean who spoiled me for an entire weekend! Wine tasting was amazing and I even enjoyed napping through the World Cup before dinner and a night on the town. Andy {we had a joint party} also mentioned that this was one of his favorite birthdays... so that also made me feel really good! We love you guys!

A lot has been going on lately. A lot, a lot. First of all... I have pulled about 7 of these out of my hair so far:

Yes, I am saying goodbye to the dreadies. Don't get me wrong - I am going to miss them and I seriously loved them, but 2 years is a long commitment to make when every day your hair looks like crap. I guess I'm not as carefree as I thought... because I really do take into consideration what people say and I also sort of missed running my fingers through my hair. I have a few more knots to untangle and they will be out... so expect pics because I've already planned a pretty crazy come back 'do!

I have also re-found a hobby! I am going to re-join a rock climbing club and hopefully meet some cool new friends who share my love of nature and who I can climb with {this means you jess!}. I have decided to take a personal interest in my health... especially since I need to be more concious since the transplant... and also started a food/exercise journal. I am so excited, because one of my best friends is doing this "challenge" with me, so we have been cheering eachother on constantly! Jessi is also going to help me with cooking... so I can prepare some {yummy vegan} meals for myself ;)

24 is going to be a good year............................ xo

theme of today: love yourself.

The theme today seems to be this: loving yourself. So many beautiful souls have written about this, and it's actually nice to know that we all have the same struggles and insecurities... because we are all going through this together. I have realized that I get a little self-conscious about my dreadlocks, because they're still babies and they don't do what I want when I want. Sometimes I crawl into a corner, because I see someone from across the room with mature dreads and I feel like they're judging me. Yet I still keep them. It's crazy... but I do love them and I know that one day the journey will get easier and I won't think twice about leaving home with them in my face and strung down across my shoulders. I like looking at these pictures of what they could  be.... but also like the suspense in not knowing exactly what they will be. They do seem to have a mind of their own.

This whole journey finally started after obsessing over this hairstyle since high school. I finally had the courage to get them - even though people told me not to. That they would look bad. That they may hurt my career. People even still tell me to brush them out. But I think they are empowering to a point, because no matter what people say, I have to search deep down inside myself and remember why I got them in the first place. Because I don't want to care what people think about me. The only thing I want people to see when they look at me is a kind person with a heart so full of love that at times it feels as though it may burst. I don't want to spend hours straightening my hair, when I could be spending it with people I love.

I have been looking at myself in the mirror lately. Really looking. And it's because I have been inspired by so many of you. When I look at my reflection I see a person, not a monster. Not some one who needs to lose 20 pounds to be pretty or to be happy or confident. I still feel uncomfortable with my body, but at least I am able to see some beauty when I look at myself. I have a long ways to go. I think people are right when they say that we are our biggest critics. Do you really notice my flabby arms, or am I obsessing to the point that I am making a big deal out of nothing. Am I really stressing myself out to the point where I can't enjoy myself, when you don't even notice that I forgot to put on make up this morning? Does it even matter?

So, I am so thankful and extremely lucky to be surrounded by such beautiful women in my life. Such confidence and reassurance and love. After reading some of your blogs today, I feel girly again and ready to pick myself up and continue living. Life is too short to worry about how I look in these jeans anyway. Besides -- I love my free spirit, tan skin, freckles and each of my pretty little {and not so little} tattoos!

What do you love about yourself?

{all images found here}

"Spider Legs"

So... I need some advice. bad. Like, really bad. I love my dreadies so much and I even like to call them my little Spider Legs, but let's face it --

they need maintenance like nobodies buisness.

I haven't been palm rolling like I should... and I have curly hair so it's def. knotting... just not in a cute way. I put rubber bands at the tips 2 nights ago, because the ends weren't tightening.

please, please, please!!!

Cyber world... I need your advice on how to get these dreadies looking good again!

{k thanks.}

i love.love.love. dreads

i hope you are enjoying the beautiful sunshine this weekend {we are}! just playing around with my dreads and new rad glasses:-)

have a lovely day, xoxo

Quickie-Bloggie

Hello blogging friends! I just wanted to do a quick bloggie today to update everyone on my crazy week. As you can see, my hair is fully dreaded & Jessi did an AMAZING JOB! 5 hours of non-stop backcombing and the journey begins...

{I secretly think Sean likes them}

I have been in the hospital all week and was able to come home on Saturday. Everything has been going well, other than a few days of the worst pain in my life - but I would do it again in a second. The surgeons could not believe that Mitchell's new kidney was producing urine while he was still in the recovery room, and once his blood pressure evens out he will get to come home too.

Since coming home I have been resting and taking it easy. My mom came over today and worked from my loft. We took a little break for shopping, lunch & to visit Mitchell. I will post some pictures soon, but I have about 5 bouquet's of flower's lined up on our counter and dozens of cards... I am so amazed and thankful for the support I have been given and the love I have been shown. It's so good to be home.

Now for a nap.... xoxo

One Week.

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.

{Ralph Waldo Emerson}

Today is my last full week before the transplant surgery next Tuesday. I am still waiting for the anxiety to come. So far, no sign of it.

This morning I woke up to the rain pounding on my window, and it was not as comforting as usual. I'm just in a weird space today, and feel a little off. Probably because there has been a leak in my ceiling for the past 4 months and the property manager of our loft hasn't kept his word in fixing it. Some people don't realize how sensitive I can be, and it felt good to leave a nasty voicemail this morning... but afterwards I just felt why bother.

I had the most amazing weekend with two of my very good friends, Stuart and Denise. The weather was perfect and it was nice to share our view of the river with them. I am so looking forward to spending a Saturday afternoon with Pete on a nice rock with a blanket, napping in the sun to the sound of the James moving by. I think the rain this morning has depressed me a little... because it's Monday and sunshine always inspires me.

Things are about to change for me, and I have not taken this opportunity lightly. I am so very honored to share my life with Mitchell by giving him something he so desperatly needs: a healthy kidney. To be able to have that much of an impact on some one's life amazes me... and furthers my hope in humanity as a whole. We are all in this together and capable of so much.

I have also thought of ways to improve myself spiritually. You have read about my dread journey and how excited I am to learn about myself through that experince. I look forward to spending a lot of time in nature while I am recovering - there's a healing power that can only be found when one loses themselves in a spring afternoon. I have decided that I may want to try a part time career in journalism of some sort, because I love writing and feel that a creative outlet is exactly what I need at this moment in my life. Being home for a few weeks will give me an opportunity to see what's out there. I also look forward to some quite time of meditation. Things have been so hectic lately that I have neglected my morning ritual of silence, and I am beginning to realize how important this is to my sanity throughout the day.

My mother is coming into town to stay with me for the first week that I am home, and my husband is also going to take off a few days and spend them with me... which makes me feel very loved and cared for. I don't know what the future will bring, but I do know that after next week I will come home with a new outlook on life. I hope to feel inspired, motivated and at peace.

{photo credit}

inner beauty.

{Denise}

I have decided to take a deep breath, step out of my comfort zone & move forward with my dread journey!

I have been so inspired by Denise, pictured above, and her beautiful locks and calming spirit {click the link above to see her wonderful blog - I am truly addicted to it}.

I have done so much research and wanted this for so long that I do not think I could talk myself out of this decision at this point. Some people do not understand this journey... but there has been an overwhelimg stream of support from my family & friends, for which I am truly grateful. This is an opportunity for me to let my personality shine rather than hide it away in my hair. It's just hair!

I am hoping to learn so much about myself and my inner beauty from this experience. I trust that this will teach me a great deal about patience, and also about the beauty in being unique. I am prepared for those mornings when I wake up, look in the mirror and clench as I see a fuzzy mess - totally untamed and with a life of it's own. I am also looking forward to those moments when I look into the mirror and embrace that I am so much more than what is shown on the outside.

I have made my list. metal comb. shampoo. locking accelerator. rubber bands. beads. I am so ready to dive into this journey. I have decided that I do not want to use wax, because I want them to be able to be whispy, free & alive on their own. I will probably leave a few stray peices in the front to add a little characted, and cannot wait to see how it all turns out. Also, any reccomendations you may have are welcome!

I am also thankful that I have a dear friend to help with the long, terrible task of backcombing for hours. Jessi, you are such an awesome friend!

Keep your blogger eyes open... I am having sugery in 2 weeks and think this will be the perfect project while I am in recovery. Pictures will be sure to follow!

xoxo thanks again for your support :)

to dread or not to dread: a day of pretend :)

So... not they're not "perfect" but this gives me a better idea of what to expect:

What do you think?

Be true to y.o.u.

The modern picture of the artist began to form: The poor, but free spirit, plebeian but aspiring only to be classless, to cut himself forever free from the bonds of the greedy bourgeoisie, to be whatever the fat burghers feared most, to cross the line wherever they drew it, to look at the world in a way they couldn't see, to be high, live low, stay young forever -- in short, to be the bohemian. {Thomas Wolfe}

I feel like I need to be true to myself. Some people criticize me for being too "extreme" and I'm not a stranger to people looking at how I live my life with often friendly, but curious minds.Some days I feel like I am constantly defending myself and my creativity, and yesterday was one of those days. This is not devoted to any particular being in my life, just some venting that I have kept in for some time. Some feelings that need to come to surface, for my own sanity.

I choose to live my life for the moment, and that is something that I don't think many people that know me would argue. I am somewhat of an adrenaline junkie and I get bored easily. Some people admire this, and others think I am a little too much. But I think that because I wear my heart on my sleeve, people tend to see that I love people and have an incredible faith in humanity. I have a good heart, and that is what matters most to me.

Sometimes I think about something and I don't tell others because I am afraid of their reaction. This week I realized that my life is about to change dramatically. I am giving my kidney to my god-brother next month... and there are a lot of complex emotions that have come to surface through this journey. What I have felt the most, is that life is precious and nobody should try and stop another person from being unique. I have felt happiness and love and compassion so strongly that I feel my heart could explode at any moment. In short, I have been on a constant high and feel that this journey will only lead to more journies. This is life.

So I have realized that the way I look and act is a reflection of myself, and that while I value others opinions... they do not get the final say. It is my body. It is my mind. Things that I am talking about are my decision to make the change from being a vegetarian to a vegan, the choice to leave my home church and explore my spirituality in other ways different than I was brought up, the fact that I love the ability to express myself through tattoos and body art, and the reality that I have wanted to dread my hair for a long, long time and have allowed others to keep me from that.

I want the freedom to choose without fear of judgement. Afterall, I try my hardest not to judge others and those I respect most are people that break away from the norm and take time to explore themselves. I don't think that people understand why this is important to me at this time in my life. High school & college were difficult, because I was always trying to fit in and no matter what - I always felt like an outsider looking in. I am so tired of worrying about how I look and speding hundreds of dollars on hair dye and products, and I want to explore my femininity without hiding behind my hair. It's just hair for christ sake, why is this what so many women define their beauty by?

I need to teach myself to be a little stronger in these situations. I cannot let others determine the way that I should look, feel, eat or act. I hate feeling like I am being controlled. I love myself and therefore, I must reach as high as I can and do whatever feels right for myself and humanity.

It's time to let my spirit out of it's cage. Either you are with me or against me.

{photo credit}

Should I.....

.......get dreads?

Today I have been totally obsessing over dreadlocks. This seems to happen every few months. For the past several years. I think they are so appealing and display a real connection with Mother Earth. Maybe you think I'm just another stupid "hippie"... but you have to admit that it would be nice to wake up and be ready to enjoy the day in under 10 minutes. No more waisting my time straightening my hair & damaging it. I am facinated by the different lengths, sizes, beads... all of it! I really, really want them... especially since I could get away with it in my profession. Also summer is coming up, and I would totally love rocking these out at the beach. <3

ten cool things i bet you didn't know about dreads.

1. they are extremely clean. you have to use a fragrance-free shampoo so that you do not get nasty build-up in your locks. you also wash them every 3 days.

2. you can pick out a ton of cool beads to place in your dreads, for a little extra flair.

3. there's no risk to losing your hair -- it's healthy and will not damage it, and can be brushed out if you change your mind a few years down the road {this does, of course, take 10+ hours to do!}

4. you can dye them just like normal hair.

5. there are a ton of really awesome hairstyles that can be worn with dreads.

6. they have been around for thousands of years, and have been connected to ones spiritual beliefs.

7. they require a lot of maintanence in the beginning so that your hair "locks" correctly. after this period, they are fairly easy to maintain.

8. many professions allow dreads, as long as they are not overly destracting or too big or long.

9. you can dread both straight & curly hair.

10. it's a great way to show off your creativity and stand out in a crowd!

i've done my research. so what do you think?

{photo credit here}