things i am learning

I have been a little quiet in this space, mostly because I was on vacation last week and I have been spending more time with important people in my life and less time on the computer. Sometimes it's important to disconnect for a while.

I am an over-thinker. I judge myself so harshly that sometimes it's necessary to take a step back, breathe, and remember to love who I am and what my life has become. Next month I will be 26 years old, and if you were to tell me when I was younger what I would be doing at this moment... I'm not sure I would be happy about it. Then again, what I knew then and what I know now about the world and how it works cannot be compared.

I have always had a plan for my life, and for so long I tried to force that plan to the point where my happiness and well being took a back seat. At this time in my life, I figured that I would be married and that I would have children and I never for a second thought that the real world could be so harsh and money could be such a burden. I never thought that I could fall so hard and that my heavy body would be such a struggle to pick back up. I could never have imagined all that I would learn and all that I continue to learn.

But when I think about what I have accomplished and how I am being molded and formed into a person who does not fit into the old plan that I had for myself, I am slowly learning to appreciate the Universe and where I fit in and where my soul is taking me. I am slowly learning that it's okay to fall down, because as hard as it's been to pull myself back up - it's possible and it's worth it. I have learned that life is a lesson, and the hardest tests often result in the greatest rewards.

The lessons that I have been taught have transformed my way of thinking. I have been hurt, been set aside, been left. But I have also hurt others, pushed them aside, left them. The reality that I have had any part in making some one feel less about themselves has made me realize that we are all just human and we all make mistakes. We hurt each other and speak harshly and sometimes we let hate and fear take over for a while. But these moments are important, because they remind me that we are all connected and we all have the ability to love and to hate - and life is so much happier when you choose to love.

The Universe does not owe me anything more than I have already been given. Life is not fair. Rather than focusing on how broken I have felt at times, I am trying to keep my mind set on the lessons that these struggles have taught me and trying to remember those ugly feelings before I try to push them on others. I have learned so much about standing on my own two feet and even more about leaning on community when necessary.

I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for. And more importantly, I like the person that I have become and I am thankful that I do not fit into the box that I placed myself into before. I appreciate everything in my life, good and bad, because my experiences have led me to this very moment - and in this moment, I am happy.

A 10k, and thoughts on solitude.

I don't normally blog on the weekends, because I stay pretty busy hanging out with my friends and usually enjoy the time away from the computer. However, tonight I'm taking a small break from the 'celebrations' and I'm pretty surprised at how much is blocked from my work computer and how much easier it is to blog from home. For instance, I can't even upload pics at work without first hosting them onto another website (really annoying). Also, videos are kind of out of the question, because I'm not computer savvy enough to figure out how to jump through those hoops... yet. So, in honor of being at home on a normal computer, I thought I'd show you a little promo video that I just found on the Sportsbackers website (they fund the 10k I participated in today).

 

 As I've said time and time again, I'm a sucker for anything that brings a community together. As corney as this may sound... I almost got teary-eyed this morning when I looked around at the 40,000 other participants and hundreds more along the streets cheering us all on. It was pretty cool. 

Our community does a Monument Ave 10k every year, and I missed it last year but participated the year before and remembered having a complete and total blast. It's 6.3 miles up and down our (very famous) Monument Avenue and the streets are lined with local bands, cheerleaders, and different groups in our community handing out water and cheering for the runners at the top of their lungs. 

This year, I signed up with Sean and both of our dad's. I had been running a little in the gym (ok... a lot), but the plan was to all stick together and walk the entire race. Well turns out, David (my father in law) had other plans. At the starting line he started jogging through the crowd, and I followed because I figured he was just trying to get to an open space for us to all walk side by side. Well... he kept jogging and I had to make an instant decision to either wait for Sean and my dad, or try and keep up with David. I decided to follow.. because first of all I knew they wouldn't mind, and second of all... I thought it would be cool to spend some time with David one on one.

I made the right decision. It was really, really cool jogging and walking and bonding with David... and I couldn't believe how fast he can run! He really pushed me, and as I crossed the finish line (in an hour and a half!) it felt really, really good to know that I gave it 110%. Also, you have no idea how big of an ego boost it was to start out in the last heat and finish 3 heats up -- we literally passed several hundred people, talk about runner's high! It was also great to talk to Sean about how much he enjoyed walking and talking with my dad. All in all,  I feel like it made our family tighter than it already was... which is so awesome!

After the race, I felt like my legs were going to fall right off. My upper thighs are still really sore, but a good sore -- the kind that makes me want to start running long distances like this more often. We all ate lunch at Sine's (which really is the best place to eat in the city) and it was cool to see Shockoe Bottom all decked out for the VCU game tonight. Yet another heartwarming moment, thinking about how a college basketball team has really pulled our city together. Love it :)

Well, we came home and showered and I took a small nap. Sean decided to go out and I......... well, I decided to stay in and watch trashy reality television snuggled up with my pups. It's just that I've been on the go for so many weekends straight, and I had forgotten what it's like to be by myself. I think that deep deep down, I need time to myself to 're-charge', and while I don't consider myself an introvert... I do realize that my body needs time in solitude every once in a while, especially since it's been go go go go go lately. And, I've really had a nice time with myself tonight... obsessing over youtube video's and watching Happy Feet. I'm trying to decide if I want to watch The Human Centipede tonight or not, mostly because I'm home alone and I don't want to get too freaked out. But if and when I watch this, you can bet on a 'Movie Review'.... I've heard this movie is completely disgusting and my friend told me she couldn't eat meat for a few days after. Interesting.

I'll leave you on a brighter note. I was looking through some of my favorite blogs today, and Mucho Mucho Bueno Bueno put up a really cool video that really made me miss my dreads.

Agreed... this girl is absolutely gorgeous and could probably pull anything off, but I really think her dreads are perfect! (she also makes me really want a cool/sexy accent...)

I also got creepily obsessed with this girl. She seems like such a cool person, and again... pretty dreads  (so sad she took them out!) and a damn cool accent!

I hope you're having a wonderful weekend, and taking time to be with yourself and rest your body!

(I'm online shopping in my pj's... doesn't really get much better)

xx

Strangers.

smile. a lot.

say hello to a stranger.

give a dollar to some one in need.

hold the door, even if you're in a hurry.

let some one go ahead of you in line.

stand up for some one, even if you're the only one.

get to know your neighbors.

give out hugs on a daily basis.

tell somebody you love them.

compliment.

be the change you want to see in the world.

It's no secret. Most of us don't even know who our next door neighbors are. Some people simple wander around, working all day and then returning to an empty home. Make a new friend today. xo

p.s. i just got my new pixie hat in the mail yesterday... made by Rachael Thomas... this girl is truly amazing and absolutely gorgeous {and this hat is seriously so so comfy}!

somebodies baby.

So I was driving to meet a client yesterday, and stopped at the same light I stop at every day looking at the same man I see everyday, holding his sign "Hungry, anything will help". I typically don't carry around cash, but when I do I always try to give them something. Even when people mock me and say they're just going to spend it on beer.

Well, I actually made eye contact with this man and felt my heart breaking. I sat there imagining his childhood and his home life. How he is somebodies baby. Their Child. I couldn't stop thinking about this man and why he was on the streets. I woke up this morning and he is still on my mind.

The path I take to get to my favorite spot on the river passes a circle of trees under an overpass. Amongst these trees is a soaken matress surrounded by fourties and wet clothes. Someone's bed. I haven't ever seen the dweller of this secret hide-away, but I always check to make sure that he's still there.

When I was a little girl, my family used to take me to participate in a program called CARITAS where homeless families stayed at our church for a week. I may have abandoned all beliefs from this particular church, but this program was one thing they did right. Some of my best childhood memories are sitting next to people on their dirty sleeping bags, listening to their stories and asking questions about how it felt to sleep outisde in the winter. I remember wanting to bring all of them home with me.

My point is this: Next time you see someone holding a battered sign and wearing worn and dirty clothes, look past the assumptions our culture seems to make about this population and remember they are somebodies baby.

Even if they do spend the money on beer - they are still human and searching for acceptance, understanding and love.

{photo credit}

Patio Bars & Gardens

{my backyard, aka the James}

You can't always sit in your corner of the forest and wait for people to come to you... you have to go to them sometimes. {Winnie the Pooh}

This weekend passed by too quickly. I tend to wake up on Monday mornings and think back to work already? It's too easy to hit the snooze button over and over again, roll over and snuggle with your pillows. Every morning I wake up and rush to get ready.... so that I have an extra hour to go back to sleep. It may seem impracticle to some, but that's when my best dreams come.

This weekend was full of patio bars, warm weather and lots and lots of laughter. I spent most of my Saturday at Arts in the Park, eating more food and drinking more lemonaid than anyone should be allowed. It was so nice seeing my parents and laughing with them. All day I searched for glass beads to put into my dreads, but the only ones I found were $12. each. no thank you. But I love spending time with my community and sharing stories with the vendors was my absolute favorite part. We have a lot of talent in Richmond :)

This was the first time I have seen my dad since he returned from Haiti, and there is one story that I have to share with you. No joke, I instantly started crying when he told it.

He said that he was standing outside when school let out and there were tables and tables of food. All of the children ran up to him and the rest of their team and pointed to their mouths. They were hungry. My dad asked the pastor why the children were not able to eat, and he responded by saying that all of that food was for sale. So even though they were starving and there was food surrounding them, they could not eat because they didn't have any money. And those selling the food couldn't give it away, because they also had to earn a living and feed their families.

So my dad asked if he could buy the children some food. All of them {there were around 30}. He purchased a whole table of food for $10. Are you serious... that's roughly two beers here. That wasn't all he did. He then went around to all of the women selling the food and handed them each a dollar bill. That dollar was able to feel them and their families for an entire week. Doesn't that make you want to just empty your pockets for these people?

Unbelievable. After that we went out to eat and I ate so much food that I wanted to explode. It doesn't really seem fair that we are able to over eat while children and families are starving around the world... and even in our own neighborhoods.

So ever since that story I have been thinking about how to help people who are less fortunate. Maybe volunteering at a food kitchen or something. I don't know. More on that to come.

A huge highlight of this weekend was finally picking up my Sub Irrigation Planter and lots and lots and lots of potting mix. I planted wildflowers, tomatoes, peas, lettuce, red peppers, cilantro and basil. The farmer's market down the street is finally open, and I am excited to buy local and also try my luck at planting my own food from home.

Being in the community helps me to remember that I am a part of something bigger. I like meeting new people and learning from them. So many of my friends are ultra conservative, so it's nice to venture out and find some fellow libs! Trust me, Arts in the Park was jam packed with tattoos and dreads... not to mention many artists used recycled materials. I love the idea of taking something old and turning it into something new and beautiful.

Most of my nights were spent outside on either our roof top deck or on a patio at one of our favorite bars. I love that it is getting warm enough to wear sundresses and skirts and the simple fact that warm weather makes everyone seem happier.

Here are some pictures of my indoor garden... I am just learning so I have my fingers and toes crossed that it all works out. My dog Samson likes eating the dirt... so that needs to stop. Now.

Here is a {very poor quality} picture of my indoor garden so far. It's in front of an old elevator shaft in our loft and directly underneath several sky lights.

My monkey man growing some basil:

Peas...

I really really really hope this works. I sort of feel like I'm over my head with this... especially wandering around Lowe's this weekend debating over and over on potting mix and what veggies I wanted/would be able to grow. But I think I can do this.

I can't wait to see more little sprouts poking their heads through!

{photo credit}

A Delightful Weekend.

Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.

{Kahlil Gibran}

It's Friday. Finally. I survived my first week back to work in nearly an entire month.

It's hard to stay focused today, knowing that tomorrow and the next day will be filled with lots of sunshine and plenty of warmth.

Sean is buying me flip flops today.

This weekend is going to be so relaxing. I can feel it. Tonight will probably be spent somewhere on a patio sipping on an iced beer and laughing with friends until it hurts. Wearing a tank top. And those flip-flops.

Tomorrow I am going to Arts in the Park, and everybody knows how much I swoon and melt over community events. And art. Good art.

Sunday... no plans. Which is nice. I imagine that I will sleep in with my wonderful hubby and breathe in the last few moments of what is sure to be a delightful weekend.

What are you going to do this weekend? Whatever it is, I hope you smile while doing it!

A little taste of past years Arts in the Park. Delish.

{photo credit #1 & photo credit #2}

Epic Weekend -

My friends are my estate.
{Emily Dickinson}

This weekend was beyond words perfect. The best way to celebrate my recovery and get {some} of my craziness out, just in time to return to work. I will probably replay this weekend over and over and over... as it will bring a smile to my face while I return to work and my usual routine.

Friday night was epic. We had friends over and I was able to see people that I haven't been out with in weeks. I knew that I missed my friends, but I didn't really get just how happy I would be to reconnect with each of them and enjoy being carefree. It's been weeks since I've been out to a bar... and it felt good to just relax and have a good time. The weather was perfect for a cold beer, enjoyed on a patio deck with some of my favorite people.

{Mallory & Aimee - 2 favs}

Saturday night we celebrated my friend Aimee's birthday and I remembered how it felt to be in college again. We ran around all night until 4 o'clock in the morning as if we had no responsibilities. My friends Dan & Logan came into town and we tried a new resteraunt, which was a fabulous beginning to our night. It was really good to just let go and relax... I usually don't stay out that late {or early!} and it was nice to just take it moment by moment rather than worrying about the consequences of lost sleep. I felt so alive and it was just the most bliss I've felt in a while; it was so very freeing -- as shallow as that may sound to some. It's so much fun to laugh until it hurts and so touching to be with those who mean so much to you.

Sunday was the most amazing day ever with my husband! There was an Earth Day festival in our neighborhood and we had so much fun people watching, listening to local music & learning about urban gardening. I bought an extremely cool plant garden from Tricycle Gardens that I can use indoors to grow cabbage, tomatoes, peas and other yummy things. We also picked up some veggie sprouts to grow as well as a few "Flower Bombs" -- balls of dirt filled with wildflower and sunflower seeds... can't wait to try these out! Before you know it, my little garden will be producing dinner!

We also took a look at Warehouse 201, which is near where we are living now. We love our loft, but need one that is ours. I am so tired of renting, and it was exciting looking at lofts similar to the one we are in now, that we could own! We are meeting with the realtor next week and he's going to show us several floor plans. I am giddy. Who knows -- this time next year we could be relaxing in our very own first home... that would just be fantastic.

Today it is back to work, but I am still riding off of the high from this weekend. I felt so carefree spending time with my friends, and I always have a soft spot in my heart for community events. I want to try and become more involved in Urban Farming groups and may even attend some group meetings that I learned about. Every little bit helps, and it's nice to see people farming in the city!

Enjoy today and do not forget to count your blessings.

xoxo