“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it"

The thing about change is that it takes a very long time. I thought that I had made so many positive changes throughout last year, and trust me I really did, but I am still learning and building and totally re-writing my story. I look at myself today, at this moment in my life, and there are still so many things that I have a desire to strive towards.

Being a people pleaser is difficult, and as I examine myself and who it is that I want to be and how it is that I want to be seen, I've realized that pleasing others is not going to get me on the path that I want. I have to do things for myself, and I can't worry about how that might effect other people. It sounds selfish, but really there is nothing selfish about only putting your heart into things that are true to you. There is nothing selfish about removing yourself from relationships that do not allow the true you to shine and be cherished. So that is what I have been doing lately.

The biggest problem in my life was social media, because in all honesty it was bringing up a whole cloud of negative emotions that I hadn't noticed before. Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram became a place where I tried to brag about my relationships and make my life look picture perfect. It also became a place where I noticed that the majority of the people in my life were not real friendships, and with that realization became feelings of betrayal and anger that started fogging up my mind and forcing ugly words and gossip out of my mouth. So I deleted these sites from my phone, stopped checking them at work, and disabled my accounts. What I've found is that I have a whole new outlook on who should be given the label ''friend'' (not everyone is there for you when you think they should be) and more importantly, my life has a whole lot less drama in it and my feelings aren't hurt quite as often.

I like how I'm spending my time much more than I did when I was always checking social media sites. I'm volunteering, focusing more on the relationships that I do have, working out and finding new interests. Simply put: I'm living life rather than writing about it. I like it so much that next month I'm getting rid of my Iphone and trading it in for a more simpler version where I just call or text.

So while it may be extremely hard to change, the process is a journey and I feel like things are getting better (even if they challenge me) each day.

exploring new waters.

We must go beyond textbooks, go out into the bypaths and untrodden depths of the wilderness and travel and explore and tell the world the glories of our journey.

{John Hope Franklin}

I started blogging several months ago for one specific reason: I was craving a creative outlet and couldn't ignore this intense desire any longer. So here I am.

I have always loved writing, but never felt it was a practical hobby. First of all, I have never been "practical." I am a dreamer with an imagination big enough to fill every ocean on this planet. And then some. So ignoring this passion was difficult, but I still managed to leave my studies as an English major and move onto Psychology and Criminal Justice. You know, subjects that could lead me to an official career. So I thought.

So for two years now I have been practical. I would be lying to you if I said it hasn't hurt my soul a little and left me feeling empty and used up. I love my job - it's amazing how good I can be with teenager's, especially those struggling with so much. But it's not enough. It limits my imagination and suffocates my creativity. So this has left me searching; wandering off of the "safe" path and left me exploring new waters.

This blog has captured my first love. I may not be the best writer in the world, but I have the heart and desire. That I know for sure. So on Tuesday night I sat at my computer and started applying for any journalism job I could find: paying or not, it did not matter. It was so freeing and almost felt like I was venturing out of the norm, of what I am "supposed to be and do", and following my dream.

I checked my inbox this morning and there were not one but two replies. I looked at my inbox and felt my heart race in excitement. I had been heard. Whether I quickly get a journalism job or not, that is not the point. The point is that I have stopped ignoring my passion and that if these jobs don't pan out in the way I want them to, there will be more opportunities. There is always another chance. Dreams stick around and nag until you listen, and once you open up your ears it's impossible to go back.

{photo credit}

Happy Thursday!

"All things appear and disappear because of the concurrence of causes and conditions. Nothing ever exists entirely alone; everything is in relation to everything else." {Buddha}

I am new to the blogging world, and I think my inspiration to finally jump on this bandwagon is because I am in desperate need of a creative outlet. A place where I can be myself - free of judgement. Journaling is good for the soul, and with all of the recent changes in my life I feel it is a good idea to get some of this down. I feel that it makes things more real.

I recently began studying Buddhism and have been going to a Sangha a few times a week to meditate. For me this feels right. I have had conflict with my family over this {my mother is a Methodist pastor} but for once in my life I am putting my happiness above pleasing others. I have been a vegetarian for about 5 years now, and feel that I am ready to take things a step further. It is very important to be aware of things that are going into your body. Your soul is a temple and capable of bringing peace to so many people - and it's important to keep yourself healthy in order to do this.

If you haven't already seen the documentary Food Inc I encourage you to do so. It has opened my eyes to so many things and made me realize that I cannot rely on the government or a supermarket to tell me the truth about what is healthy and what is harmful. My husband and I try to eat mostly organic {especially dairy products}, but even some of those products are full of corn byproducts and other fillers that can be harmful. I have recently been inspired to try a Macrobiotic Diet and plan to start in February. This is going to be a drastic change in the way that I eat, and it will more than likely lead me to veganism, but again I feel it is important to keep your body healthy and this is a great way to do it. If you aren't familiar with Macrobiotics, I encourage you to check out this website: http://www.fitnessbegin.com/dieting/zenmacrobioticdiet.html


I will keep you all updated on my challenges and successes of this diet and any advice or meal plans would be greatly appreciated! I hope that blogging becomes a habbit and somthing that I can look forward to every morning. See you tomorrow!