Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Monday, November 14, 2011

alone, but not alone.

This song has been on repeat all weekend. I think there is so much power and healing that comes with finding music that you connect with. I am in the beginning stages of divorce -- my husband moved out this weekend, who I've been married for 3 years with and together for 10. We tried everything, but sometimes people just grow apart and no matter how hard you try to fix it.... it's not fixable.

I am heartbroken, but I know that this is the correct path and that I made the right decision. I also know that I learned so much from my relationship with my husband, and that I have grown in ways that I might not have otherwise. For that, I am thankful. I'm also thankful for my amazing support system, without my friends and family I don't know where I would be with all of these emotions.

As I've said so many times before, the Universe takes care of us. We are the Universe, all connected and able to provide comfort to some one without even being aware. It's amazing. This weekend I was able to meet THE Carley Simon's brother, Peter, as he had an exhibit set up in a friend's gallery. We got breakfast together and talked a little about Richmond and all that he's seen and done throughout his life, and then I spent about an hour looking deep into each and every one of his photographs.

There were pictures of Martin Luther King, Bob Dylan, The Beatles.... and also pictures of people in ghettos, family portraits from his time spent on a commune, and pictures of him and Carley (and their other siblings) growing up as kids. I took it all in, and before I knew it I was overcome with emotion and tears began running down my face. I stood there, letting myself feel this emotion, and at that moment I knew that everything was going to be ok for me.

As I was about to leave, I pulled Peter aside and shared my emotional reaction to his absolutely breathtaking work. I told him that his photographs gave me hope, strength, and empowerment. They made me realize that there is so much out there that I haven't seen or experienced. So much beauty that I've missed out on. And also, so much community that I desperately needed. He gave me such a heartfelt embrace, and we talked about this emotion for another hour before I finally pulled myself away for some much needed river therapy.

I sat on a blanket by the river, with an emotional mix of music and just spent time loving myself. I did not beat myself up, but rather embraced my life and let go of the negativity that I had been feeling towards my marriage. The fear of judgement, being alone, financial stressors. There's a long road ahead, but this was an important part of my healing process. There will be good days, hard days, and days when I feel absolutley nothing. But the important thing is that I have the choice to love myself through all of this, and come out on the other end with a few scars, but so much stronger.

Friday, November 04, 2011


Things have been more than a little shaky and stressful around here. Yes, more than usual. Do you know what's been giving me hope? Repeating this over and over and over and over again...

"You are not alone in this."
Mumford & Sons, Timshel

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