Wednesday, July 27, 2011

To the degree that we are lost, it is on the same Ocean, in the same night.

{found via weheartit}

Just in case you were wondering, I have been doing an incredible amount of work on myself this year. So far, seven months into 2011, it has already been one heck of a whirlwind of emotional let downs and dissapointments. But as my dad always says, you are resonsible for how you feel each day.

And, for now anyway, I decide to be happy.

When things get really hard, I remind myself that we are each the Universe - not only a small part, but in reality we are the Universe entirely. We are all composed of 99% the same elements, therefore we are all so connected to one another that the line between where you end and I begin remains blurred and faint. It feels better knowing that we are all together, rather than totally separate entities wandering around aimlessly hurting one another for no apparent reason. When you hurt others, you also hurt yourself. When you are kind to others, you are also being kind to yourself.

And because we are only separated by that 1%, we can only distance ourself but so far from one another. But doesn't that 1% feel like an eternity, sometimes?

This is a quote that brings this idea together for me -

I no longer expect things to make sense. I know there is no safety. But that does not mean there is no magic. It does not mean there is no hope. It simply means that each of us has reason to be wishful and frightened, aspiring and flawed. And it means that to the degree we are lost, is it on the same Ocean, in the same night.
Elizabeth Kayle

There are some things that have happened this year that have left a black cloud of thick negative energy around me. So, I am trying to feed the positive back into my life one day at a time. And you know what? It's working.

Just when I thought the spark and excitement had totally left my marriage, I fed it positive energy and as a result I feel like we are finally back on track.

Just when I thought negativity was taking over my self image completely, I fed it positive energy by joining a gym and being more social and I feel like I am worthy again.

Just when I thought that my life was so boring that it would be impossible to be happy, I fed it positive energy and now I am doing more and seeing more than I have in a very long time.

Just when I thought I was insignificant and the work I did professionally didn't matter, I fed it positive energy and not only did I get a raise, but my clients seem to be responding better than ever to treatment.

Just when I thought I would be miserable because we didn't get the house we wanted, I fed it positive energy and am having more fun than ever re-decorating our loft with Sean.

Just when I thought my heart was broken from people leaving my life, I fed it positive energy and others have come into my life who are fulfilling and healthy.

Just when I thought we were too poor to ever have a decent vacation, I fed it positive energy and Sean and I are now planning a trip to London sometime next year.

It takes a lot of work to feed positive energy into a negative situation, but it's worth it.

Monday, July 25, 2011

some things i've learned from marrying young. . .

There are so many things that I have been trying to work out and say in this space, things that I have been quietly working through and obsessing over. I am only human, and this human loves to compare myself to other bloggers, friends, family members, random people I see at the mall or park or on the street. And it seems as though I am always, always comparing my relationship with Sean to what theirs appear to be on the surface. And they all appear pretty goddamn perfect.

Growing up, I was always looking and hoping for my Prince Charming. I thought that if you really truly loved some one, spending your life together would always be fun and would always be easy. Nobody told me that even Prince Charming farts, picks his nose, poops, and leaves his socks and underwear on the floor despite my constant nagging. I never thought that marriage would be so much work.

The truth is, those obsessive ''sparks'' that you feel for some one always fade, and reality sets in. You stop thinking about them every second of every day, you stop trying to look your best every time you see each other, and if you aren't careful... you start to take advantage of them. And I think that for a while now, I have been mourning the loss of those sparks. And in doing this, I have failed to really and truly appreciate the real thing that I have found with Sean.

Marriage is honestly the hardest thing I have ever been apart of. That isn't to say that it hasn't been worth it. In a few days, I will have been married to Sean for three years. And together for a grand total of ten. And did I mention that I'm only 25? This means that I have been with the same person for almost 1/2 of my entire life. And for over-thinkers and commitment-phobes like myself, this can be scary at times.

And by scary, I mean hard to digest that so much time and effort has been wrapped up into one relationship. That no matter what you want to believe, that person can always leave you heart broken and alone if they want to. That the truth is, normal 14 year olds aren't lucky enough to meet their soul mates so young... and when they do, they hardly realize how amazing and special that is.

If you hear nothing else from my tiny little microscopic corner of cyberspace, please hear this: Marriage is hard work, and please do not jump in unless you are ready to work and fight for and protect your partner. Every day.

When you get married straight out of college, you have to learn how to be an adult and a wife all at once. And when you finally get your ''big girl job,'' you have to figure out how to make it stretch between rent, bills, student loans, food, and basically everything classified as not fun. You don't get to spend it all on clothes like one may or may not have done in high school, and you soon come to believe that your last vacation ever was your honeymoon.

Oh, and the part about learning how to be a wife when you are still in a really selfish learning phase... that's often the hardest part.

The only thing that makes this easier, is having a partner that always has your back. Even when there are times you want to leave, to call it quits for good. Because maybe I'm making a huge assumption here, but I don't really deep down believe when people say that they don't argue with their partners. Sometimes I argue with Sean simply because I'm bored, pissed about work, pissed that the dogs crapped on the floor yet again, or any other stupid excuse to just bitch. Sometimes he deserves it though, and sometimes I deserve it. We're human, remember?

So this is what I have learned, and by no means am I the expert. But I will say this: that these things have really helped me recently to appreciate Sean and appreciate the fact that I am really freakin lucky to have the husband that I have. That I found some one who doesn't bail when things get hard, and who has really worked hard to make our life together fulfilling and to meet all of my needs.

Getting up early for coffee, cereal, and cartoons with your spouse before work is always worth it. Even if you don't say much, those extra moments together are vital.

Making dinner together and talking about your day is a much better decision than tuning him out while mindlessly catching up on the past few re-runs of The Hills or The Real Housewives. And please, turn off your cell phone. Facebook will be there tomorrow.

Weekly date nights actually do help. And you can figure out how to save $15-20 so that they can happen every week. Hold hands, laugh, and never stop learning more about your partner.

Plan vacations together, even if they involve getting a cheap hotel room and exploring free museum or venues. With the stressors of everyday, you owe it to eachother to share some fun times together at least twice a year. It's all a lesson in budgeting your money and putting it towards things that really matter.

Say I love you every morning before you leave and say it again whenever you get the chance. You can never hear it enough from your spouse. And while you're at it, kiss and hug and hold hands often. The best feeling in the entire universe is feeling loved by your spouse.

Compromise about everything. Talk about everything. Try and put yourself in your spouses shoes every once in a while, and also take notice in the emotions your spouse is experiencing. Rather than jumping to conclusions, always give them the benefit of the doubt. Look for the good and for christsake, stop focusing on the negative.

Be best friends first and foremost, and treat them accordingly.

But most importantly, in my opinion, is be careful not to lose yourself in them. It's okay if one of you gets hit on at the bar, because let's face it... they are hot and young and deserve to feel that way. It's really important to feel, sometimes, that others find you attractive (even though you're now an old married couple ;). Flirting is harmless.

And don't give up your hobbies, if your spouse doesn't enjoy doing something that you love then take time every week to do them with a friend. And while we're talking about friends, save time to go out with and without your partner every week. You're married, not dead. And you'll have more things to talk about and laugh about if you keep on living your life while balancing your marriage.

I just think it's important to know that marriage takes a whole lot of work, and our country's divorce rate isn't as high as it is for no reason. Marriage isn't for those looking for the easy way out. You have to work together, communicate, and always remember why you got together in the first place.

And, as hard as it is, stop comparing your relationship to others. It's not healthy and it's childish.  My marriage isn't perfect, but nobody's is. Not if they're honest with themselves. But I will say, if we're being honest, that I appreciate Sean and love him more than anyone or anything else past or present. And we will keep working on our relationship together for as long as we are able, because it's worth it.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Do you know what I learned this week? I learned that if you think positively, more positive things happen. It's true :)

Sometimes I get so anxious and stressed out, that I only think about the negative things happening in my life. But there are so many good things around that there isn't a good excuse to ignore them --

This week:

-I was in Williamsburg, Va for a work conference that took up 3 days of my week... making Friday arrive superrrrr fastttttt

-Sean was an awesome husband, and drove an hour on Tuesday to meet me for a dinner date (followed by a spur of the moment Christmas ornament shopping spree ;-)

-Sean and I started reading a book called the 5 Love Languages... and it's been a really great ending to our day because it gives us a chance to talk and laugh together, and also focus on our relationship.

-Tonight I'm going on a dinner and movie date with my two very lovely friends Brittany and Sarah

-It's payday, and although most of my money is going to bills... at least I can afford a nice loft, electricity, and my ever-so-friendly student loans.

What are some of the positive and happy things going on in your life?

Thursday, July 21, 2011

If you can dream it. . .

:-) hopefully this brought a smile to your face, as it did mine. I've been in Williamsburg all week. . . but I'll be back (hopefully) tomorrow with updates!


Friday, July 15, 2011

Dreaming of Snakes.

I always have extremely vivid dreams. And last night was no different, as I woke up in a panic at 5 am. For some reason, I haven't been able to shake this one... so I looked up a few interpretations online this morning, and what I found out was eerily relevant.

First the dream. I was at some kind of ranch with a group of my friends, and I decided that I wanted to go up to my bedroom which was located in a tree fort type loft which was located in the backyard. As I was climbing the steps, I looked to my left and saw a gigantic yellow snake -- like, 50 feet gigantic -- looking straight at me. It came over quickly, and due to fear I passed out in the stairwell. When I ''woke up'' I realized that the snake was on top of me, licking me in my ear. I didn't move, and my friends were all gathered around watching in fear. The weird thing, is that I sensed that the snake didn't want to harm me, and in the dream I wasn't afraid... although in reality snakes are one of my biggest fears. So what's up with this dream?

I was doing a little ''research'' (if you know me, you know google is my life) and found this article along with several others. Supposedly, because of the snakes ability to shed it's skin and also the ability to kill, they can stand for an individuals journey through transformation found by death and rebirth/healing of some kind. I don't know how much I buy into dream interpretations, but I am absolutely in a period of transformation - maybe the snake was my subconscious telling me that some healing will be taking place... one can hope.

I also found that the color yellow, associated with a negative or unpleasant feeling, can stand for one's fear or inability to make a decision or take action. When associated with a positive feeling, it can symbolize happiness, harmony and wisdom. In my dream, I was first paralyzed with fear (negative) and then later re-gained conciousness and felt comforted (positive). Could this mean that although I am having trouble with a very important decision currently, I will later find healing and eventually find peace?

From what  I read about snakes and the color yellow, I can only imagine that the snake licking me in my ear while my friends watched in fear has something to do with the fact that while those around me would like to offer me advice, only I can ultimately make the right decision. And that by trusting myself, things will be ok.

I realize that I'm being completely vaigue about  what's going on with me personally right now, but know that this symbolizim captures every emotion that I have been feeling perfectly. Maybe some peace and clarity are around the corner? Or maybe I still have a lot of introspective work to do, and my subconcious is telling me to hang in there? Only time will tell.

So what about you -- do you believe that dreams can be interpreted? Or do you think that dreams are just random thoughts pieced together to form an interesting story? I personally think that if you are dreaming and learn a lesson in the process, that's all that matters. Dreams are, afterall, so very personal. I'd love to hear about anything you've learned while dreaming!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Monday, July 11, 2011


Ever since I promised myself to make more room for adventure in my life, the weekends have been so much sweeter! Last weekend I went rafting and wine tasting in Fincastle, Va. . . and yesterday I spent the entire day at my most favorite place in the whole entire world: The James.

Amber, Chris and I spent 7 hours swimming and soaking in the sunshine, and it felt like we were only there for a matter of minutes! So much fun :)

What did you do this weekend?

Friday, July 08, 2011

Have A Dreamy Weekend

I am still riding off the high of last weekend . . .

I hope your weekend is full of nature, music, and lots and lots of love.

xx, Kara

{all images found here}

Tuesday, July 05, 2011


This weekend wasn't really about fireworks or cookouts for me. It was more about healing and taking in each moment and really working on loving myself. I have been going through some pretty big things lately both in my professional life as well as personally. For me, there is no better place to heal than the mountains... so Friday after work I drove to Fincastle, Virginia and met up with some friends for the weekend. I wasn't ready to head back to the City on Sunday, so I drove right past my exit and continued driving until I reached my parents lake house.

There is nothing better than escaping into nature for some deep introspection. And no better place to think, than when you're surrounded by mountains and fresh air. I am so lucky to have so many good people in my life, and one of the most freeing moments for me was sitting outside and talking to good friends under more than a thousand visible stars. You just don't get views like that in the City. For the first time in a very long time, I didn't feel like I was trapped or suffocated.

How could you feel anything but free when you're waking up every morning to this view:

Or when you're driving hours away from your home, and you're surrounded by this:

Sometimes life and circumstance gets in the way of truly living every moment, breathing in each breath and really feeling replenished. I hope that this weekend, you were able to feel a little more alive and a little more free.
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