Thursday, June 14, 2012

Wishes For My 26th Year

Every birthday I think it's important to take a moment to reflect on my life and come up with a few goals for the following year. I will be 26 years old in 11 days... and the things I have learned this year have been incredible. I can't wait to see what year 26 has to offer :)

1. Get Healthy.

It's become pretty apparent that I need to take care of myself. This is the only body that I've got, and it's going to need to stay healthy so that it can take me on all of the adventures that I want to go on in this lifetime!

I've decided to quit smoking, and so far I'm 9 days strong!

I also want to do more things outdoors. One of my major goals is to visit a different hiking trail at least twice per month. This Spring I also want to go backpacking and camping for several days, which is something I've never done before. I'm ready to get more active and to push my body in new ways.

2. Get Positive.

I have learned a lot about the people in my life this year. When I got divorced, many of my "friends" felt like they needed to choose sides -- and to my surprise, those who were there in the beginning didn't really stick around for the long haul.

At first I got really sad about it, and to be honest I still am at times. It's hard realizing that your friendship wasn't valued and that people can be really judgemental and cruel. But, who really wants people in your life who are only there for you when it's convenient for them? Not me.

I think it's important that I start focusing on the positive. I've been through a lot, learned a million life lessons, and met a lot of different people along the way. I don't have to settle for ''part-time friends'' and if people aren't going to value my friendship then they don't deserve to be a part of my life.

3. Explore.

I love to travel, and I'm finally in the position where I'm with some one who likes to explore just as much as I do. I want to learn how to paddle board, kayak as much as possible, and visit places that I've never been before.

I've never been in a hot air balloon, and I want to experience that this year.

There are so many places that I haven't been, and now is the time to check them out. I'm looking forward to long car trips, and hopefully pulling out my passport at least once this year ;)

4. Create.

I am a very artistic person, but I have been so busy with legal and financial struggles this year that I have put a lot of my creative desires on the back burner.

This year I wrote a short children's book that I would like to illustrate and publish. I'm not interested in making money off of my writing, but I would love to have something to give my future children.

I want to take a pottery class. I've wanted to do this for a few years now, and financially I think this is the year to take that leap. I also want to experiment with jewelry making... and who knows where that will take me!


{See previous years here and here!}

Friday, June 01, 2012

i love you.

Sometimes I watch you at night while you are sleeping. I think about all that you have been through and all that you are still going through. I think about the way your smile curls when you're making a joke or thinking of something clever. The way your hand seems to find mine while we are sleeping. The way you've invited me into your world, and how we are learning so much about life together.

I wasn't looking for you, and to be honest I wouldn't have picked you out specifically. I've always been one to keep others at a distance and you make that especially hard. Sometimes that's uncomfortable, but other times it's refreshing. You have changed my whole mentality in a way that is equally frightening as it is the most exciting thing I've ever experienced. For once, I am a part of a team - I no longer want to do it all on my own because sharing everything with you is so much more fulfilling. There isn't anything we can't accomplish together.

The thing that I love most about you is how you challenge me. You make me a better person because you expect a lot out of me, you really do. You push me to share my deepest secrets and to talk about feelings that I've kept bottled inside of me for almost forever. When I'm with you, I think about things differently and from all angles. We are so opposite, but it works. You balance me and make me complete. You fill the hole that has been left from all that my past has taken from me. You fill it up to the tippy-top and sometimes I'm so fulfilled that I can hardly breathe.

I have never felt as beautiful as I do now. You see things in me that I've attempted to hide from the world, and you pull them out of me and water them and feed them until they grow into something so wild and so free that they can no longer keep quiet. Sometimes when I'm sleeping, I can hear you whispering how much you love me. Those are my favorite moments, because in those moments there is so much love between us that it's electric. It's in those moments that I feel apart of something bigger; that I don't feel so alone.

It's not all easy, either. When we fight, I can literally feel my heart ripping open. But with each and every tear, my soul is making room for growth. It's in these moments that I continue to learn and to become the person who I am always striving to be. I am so proud of these moments, because we fight fair and we argue out of an undeniable connection to one another. These are the moments where my love for you is over-powering to the point where I realize how much there is to lose, and I remind myself to appreciate each and every second that we have together.

So for all of this, no matter what happens, I thank you. Thank you for giving me hope in the Universe. For teaching me to trust and to let others help me when I need it. For always being there when I need you the most. And simply for being who you are.

Because you are everything I've ever dreamed of, all wrapped into one human being. And until recently, I didn't think a love like ours was possible.
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