At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, my life has been a whirlwind lately. I literally feel like I'm 24 going on 54. . . stuck in a routine, not feeling sexy, not feeling spontaneous, not feeling adventurous. It's really easy to feel like this, especially when you marry young and suddenly realize the real world has met up with you much, much faster than you've planned [why can't i still be living at home with mom and dad like half my friends?!] . I think it's because I can no longer just think about myself. . . it's nice to also think about Sean and his needs - which are ultimately *our* needs.
So I've been battling with myself a lot these past few weeks. I want to feel my age, without carelessly tossing my responsibilities away, but it's a very fine line sometimes. Somethings gotta give, and soon.
My very first problem is that my current routine has left me so completely bored that I've gained some weight and feel like I'm living in someone else's body. I used to swim, rock climb, run, play, explore. . . but these days those things seem to have taken a back seat to work, sleep, eat, repeat. It makes my stomach turn to think about how much my job effects me mentally and physically. You've heard of burnout I'm sure, if you haven't just take a look at my life and suddenly you'll know exactly what it is you want to avoid.
I refuse to just lay down and let my life pass me by, I'm young and it's not too late for me. So I've decided to start eating better and every weekend I want to make a special effort to go on some kind of an adventure - the highlight of my weekend simply cannot be a night at the bar, I'm so tired of that and it's not fun anymore. I need things to look forward to when I'm not working. Also, I am planning a surprise trip for Sean - our 3 year anniversary is coming up and I want to take him some place that neither of us has ever been, so that we can explore together and take a break from our everyday life. I think that's so important :)
I'm also going to start adding more raw foods to my diet next week. In case you care to follow, this is a blog dedicated to my journey!
My second problem is that I absolutely hate my job. I hate working 9-5. I hate paperwork. I hate office life. I hate working in an overly-religious atmosphere where people find out I have different beliefs about life and judge me for it. I hate sitting all day. I hate that I only get to see people 20% of the time, and the other 80% is spent writing about it. I hate that I'm not living up to my potential [notice I said MY and not SOCIETIES].
Ugh. I need to get out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need a new job. Actually, a new career. I am not a money driven person, so as long as I can pay my bills and my student loans.... I don't care about much else. I want to create. To make people feel good. To laugh during the day. I don't want to have to cover up my tattoo's. I want to feel free. Accepted.
Whose idea was it that work has to suck so much? Who decided that Monday's needed to be depressing, and we had to feel trapped? Ever met one of those people who says something like I don't feel like I'm ''working'' when I'm at ''work''? Yeah, I want to say that! I want to be one of those people! Universe! Pick me!
So I visited my very first hair school this week. And it was really nice, my favorite hour and a half of the week so far actually. But it mostly made me think, who ever knows what they want to do with the rest of their life, especially as a freshman in college? If only I could've thought about this path 7 years ago. But maybe what I've learned so far has led me here? Maybe I wouldn't have felt the, dare I say passion. . . if I hadn't experienced college and social work?
I don't want to live in the past, and I certainly wouldn't take back college -- easily the best 4 years of my entire life :)
But no matter how free spirited I feel that I am, deep deep inside I keep wondering what people will think? Will they say I've ''wasted my degree''? Will they say ''You're too smart to settle for that"? Will my parents be proud of me?
Thankfully, I have some pretty kickass friends. . . one in particular told me that I need to STOP worrying about what other people think. It isn't their life, and they don't have to live it each and every moment.
But do I have the guts to make such a huge change? And can I afford it?
Only time will tell. But if any of you out there are hairdressers. . . please please please help me figure out what I should be looking at when I visit schools, the good and the bad of your everyday lives, and any advice you can give! (especially if you own your own salon. . . that would be a longterm goal for me)
:) Stay cool today! It's supposed to reach 100 degrees here in Richmond! :)