Thursday, June 09, 2011

life lately - 24 going on 54. . .

At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, my life has been a whirlwind lately. I literally feel like I'm 24 going on 54. . . stuck in a routine, not feeling sexy, not feeling spontaneous, not feeling adventurous. It's really easy to feel like this, especially when you marry young and suddenly realize the real world has met up with you much, much faster than you've planned [why can't i still be living at home with mom and dad like half my friends?!] . I think it's because I can no longer just think about myself. . . it's nice to also think about Sean and his needs - which are ultimately *our* needs.

So I've been battling with myself a lot these past few weeks. I want to feel my age, without carelessly tossing my responsibilities away, but it's a very fine line sometimes. Somethings gotta give, and soon.

My very first problem is that my current routine has left me so completely bored that I've gained some weight and feel like I'm living in someone else's body. I used to swim, rock climb, run, play, explore. . . but these days those things seem to have taken a back seat to work, sleep, eat, repeat. It makes my stomach turn to think about how much my job effects me mentally and physically. You've heard of burnout I'm sure, if you haven't just take a look at my life and suddenly you'll know exactly what it is you want to avoid.

I refuse to just lay down and let my life pass me by, I'm young and it's not too late for me. So I've decided to start eating better and every weekend I want to make a special effort to go on some kind of an adventure - the highlight of my weekend simply cannot be a night at the bar, I'm so tired of that and it's not fun anymore. I need things to look forward to when I'm not working. Also, I am planning a surprise trip for Sean - our 3 year anniversary is coming up and I want to take him some place that neither of us has ever been, so that we can explore together and take a break from our everyday life. I think that's so important :)

I'm also going to start adding more raw foods to my diet next week. In case you care to follow, this is a blog dedicated to my journey!

My second problem is that I absolutely hate my job. I hate working 9-5. I hate paperwork. I hate office life. I hate working in an overly-religious atmosphere where people find out I have different beliefs about life and judge me for it. I hate sitting all day. I hate that I only get to see people 20% of the time, and the other 80% is spent writing about it. I hate that I'm not living up to my potential [notice I said MY and not SOCIETIES].

Ugh. I need to get out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need a new job. Actually, a new career. I am not a money driven person, so as long as I can pay my bills and my student loans.... I don't care about much else. I want to create. To make people feel good. To laugh during the day. I don't want to have to cover up my tattoo's. I want to feel free. Accepted.

Doesn't everyone?

Whose idea was it that work has to suck so much? Who decided that Monday's needed to be depressing, and we had to feel trapped? Ever met one of those people who says something like I don't feel like I'm ''working'' when I'm at ''work''? Yeah, I want to say that! I want to be one of those people! Universe! Pick me!

So I visited my very first hair school this week. And it was really nice, my favorite hour and a half of the week so far actually. But it mostly made me think, who ever knows what they want to do with the rest of their life, especially as a freshman in college? If only I could've thought about this path 7 years ago. But maybe what I've learned so far has led me here? Maybe I wouldn't have felt the, dare I say passion. . . if I hadn't experienced college and social work?

I don't want to live in the past, and I certainly wouldn't take back college -- easily the best 4 years of my entire life :)

But no matter how free spirited I feel that I am, deep deep inside I keep wondering what people will think? Will they say I've ''wasted my degree''? Will they say ''You're too smart to settle for that"? Will my parents be proud of me?

Thankfully, I have some pretty kickass friends. . . one in particular told me that I need to STOP worrying about what other people think. It isn't their life, and they don't have to live it each and every moment.

But do I have the guts to make such a huge change? And can I afford it?

Only time will tell. But if any of you out there are hairdressers. . . please please please help me figure out what I should be looking at when I visit schools, the good and the bad of your everyday lives, and any advice you can give! (especially if you own your own salon. . . that would be a longterm goal for me)

:) Stay cool today! It's supposed to reach 100 degrees here in Richmond! :)





4 comments:

  1. kara-
    you're not alone. i have been feeling like this too lately.

    i have been doing a lot of thinking about getting out of the routine of college.. by that i mean, when friday comes it definitely means drinking... when saturday night comes, it definitely means drinking. i want to re-learn how to have fun on a friday night without alcohol being in the picture. along with alcohol comes craving unhealthy foods and making poor decisions about what you put in your body.

    we're all afraid of change, but nothing is worse than looking back and wondering what might have been. be bold, be daring and follow your heart! that's the only way out of the 9-5! we all live in a box... and you my love, are dying to get out of it! explore the world, explore yourself and you will find the perfect job!

    as for support from others... you've got to be true to yourself. and if you ask me, people who are true to themselves are the individuals who have the most beautiful and fulfilling lives. think about some of the fellow bloggers we follow... rockstar is dance instructor, brandi from mucho mucho bueno is a hair stylist!

    hope this little bit of encouragement helps! i love you to the end of the world & back!!

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  2. This is EXACTLY how I feel right now! I've been at college and now we're about to break up for the summer. I work too and I hate my job. I'm really lucky in that this time next year I'll be a qualified journalist but until then, I'm on the hamster wheel of life.
    I've been going and going all these months trying to keep up with the work and now that I've finally slowed down, I don't know what to do with myself. Just feeling a bit "bleurgh" at the moment.
    x

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  3. Thanks for being honest and sharing all of this! Sometimes I feel the same way, where I'm not being active enough and I know I should be, for the sake of my health. I guess there's not one said solution of how we can change this, but I think it's good that we both acknowledge and are aware of what we have to change, that's a step right?

    Have a great day!
    xo Stephanie

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  4. uh seriously, did I write this post?! i feel your pain. i've made a promise to myself to do at least one outdoor activity every weekend because i can't let this beautiful weather pass me by. and i hate my corporate job so much, which is why I went back to finish my degree, but I've got bills to pay while my friends are living it up at their parents house. I just wanna be free! And my job is so stuffy too - i'm the 'crunchy' one to everyone because apparently being vegetarian (amongst other things) makes you weird.

    I always say, you have one just one life - just f'n go for it! :)

    ReplyDelete

speak your mind! always!

 
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