Wednesday, March 31, 2010

hug o'war.

I will not play at tug o' war
I'd rather play at hug o' war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs....
{Shel Silverstein}

Yesterday was a little peice of reality thrown into the imaginary world I am used to hiding in. I am by no means naive, I have been hurt/dissapointed/abandoned, but I try to move past this and stay optomistic. I work in the city for our Community Services Board, and almost all of our clients recieve Medicaid and live in some form of government funded housing {"the projects"}. I got into one of our vans yesterday afternoon and was prepared to visit a client at home, but noticed a little piece of paper stuck to the windshield. I won't give whoever did this the satisfaction of going into detail, but it was hurtful and screamed at me with hatred.

I quickly removed the paper, and looked around at all the other vans with the same ugly mesasge plastered to their windshields. I took them all down. It was all I could do to hold in my emotions and keep myself from crying.

I think what most upset me was that there are so many people in this world whose hearts have been hardened. Life isn't easy on anyone, but sometimes things happen and people begin to fear those around them - especially those who are different. Fear makes people irrational, often hateful and gives them a desire to lash out.

I wish I could see the people who did this, and hug them. Tell them I love them and I care about them and they are important. They don't need to hate. The world is full of hate, and that is why it is so important that we love. Love those who are different than you, those who have wronged you, abused you, hate you.

Many people do not know that I have PTSD. It doesn't matter what happened, all that matters is that it has left me with intense fear. Maybe this is why I retreate to my imaginary world - so that I can pretend that the world is safe and at peace. But I still try to make an effort to understand the person who nearly destroyed my life. I don't know how he grew up, if his parent's told him they loved him enough or if some one had hurt him and he was just lashing out. Maybe I just got in his way, maybe he was angry and needed a target. I will never know. The exact reason is not important.

My point is this: Every person needs love. Even those who are so hateful and mean and selfish and hurtful. You may know one of these people, and not even realize it. I encourage you to hug them. Make sure those close to your heart are told how much you love them. How they make your life better. Maybe they will turn around and hug some one else.

I will never give up hope that my imaginary world can one day exist. We will all get along, love deeply and sincerely, never feel alone and always cherish our time together.

I have some lyrics from John Lennons song Imagine tattooed on my back, and moments like this are why I chose that verse. People see it, and I hope it empowers them to improve the world in any way that they can. I hope they read it and know that I love them, and that I may only be one person - but I stand for peace.

1 comment:

  1. i loved reading this... your words are so beautiful! thank you for sharing your heart, it's lovely. <3


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