Wednesday, August 04, 2010

confession time.

I have a confession. I never in my life thought that after 6 years of vegetarianism, I would even consider eating meat again. I have stuck by my beliefs for so long and taken so much pride in my ability to quit cold turkey, that these new feelings are basically a huge shock. Physically, I feel that this is what my body is telling me it is time to do. And I have always been pretty good at listening to my bodies needs. Psychologically, this is going to be really tough.

A few months ago I started eating fish again, and I would be lying if I told you I didn't get emotional about that. The guilt that came with that decision was almost overwhelming, and I felt so much shame admitting to friends and family that I had failed my journey. Very similar feelings arose when I started saying out loud that I don't believe in Christianity. So why am I now considering the return of hard core meat into my diet? I guess it's because sometimes life leads you in different directions and down a separate path than you may have chosen for yourself.

My husband eats meat. My friends eat meat. My dogs eat meat. My co-workers all eat meat. I am essentially alone in this journey, and given my lack in cooking abilities I have found it extremely difficult to stay motivated. I miss little things like sharing food with Sean and ordering off of a menu without needing to substitute or change the meal in some way. I also get embarrassed when I order pizza with my girlfriends and I insist that meat-infested pizza arrive in a totally separate box. I miss normalcy.

Besides the fact that I have been eating the same core meals year after year and am starving for some variety, I am beginning to realize that I need to take better care of my body. This is the reason I believe I am feeling deep inside my being that it is time for a change in the way that I eat. I feel sluggish, fat, and carbed-out. The more I exercise, it seems my efforts are cancelled out by the bowl of pasta or bag of chips that I consume directly after. God, and let's not even get into the amount of processed soy I eat in a day. It would be different if I liked raw veggies or knew how to cook up something different once in a while, but I don't. The more I read about ex-veggies, the more I hear about how they've "never felt better" and how they seem to feel more energized than ever once meat has been re-introduced into their diet. I want to feel that way, too.

But deep in the back of my mind I am still clinging to my values and struggling with how to be at peace with this decision. I was reading an article today about eating animal products that were raised locally and fed a grass diet, rather than corn {also, ones who were not pumped with hormones}. That does sort of calm my spirit, I do enjoy buying locally. And that could be just as effective in helping the environment. And it is probably much healthier than eating processed soy products and imitation meat.

Of course, I will also more than likely suffer mockery of this decision... the same people who constantly make fun of me for being vegetarian are more than likely going to poke fun at me falling off of the vegetarian band wagon. Not to mention my soap box.

But it is so important to listen to your body. And mine has been talking pretty loudly for several months now. I'll keep you posted.


  1. Listen to your heart - who knows, first meat next God:)

  2. I went veggie for three years, and went back without any sense of guilt. People's bodies are made differently, and the point of become a vegetarian is to feel better. If you don't feel better, then what's the point? I was craving meat all the time, and also felt sluggish. I don't eat as much meat as I used to, but when I crave it, I eat it!

    You can still make smart decisions about what meat you buy, i.e. farm raised or free range, if that's what you're concerned about. That's something your meat-eating friends can get on board with too!

  3. I really hope that whatever decision you come to is the right one for you. Have you considered going to a doctor and having your iron and/or B12 tested? If those are depleted it could be part of the reason you are feeling somewhat sluggish.
    I know it is tought being the only veg in a family/community, maybe try and see if you can find any veg groups that might offer support.
    I am not trying to push you one way or the other, you have to do what is best for you, just throwing out some ideas.

  4. Kara,

    I was going to suggest buying local and organic meat, but I see you've already done your research.

    Always, always listen to your body and what it needs. I remember when my appendix was giving me trouble, my body told me "go to the hospital". It was the strangest feeling ever and my body was right - it knew exactly what it needed and I'm so glad I listened.

    I am proud of you for being a vegetarian while Sean isn't and non of your friends are. It shows how much will power you have and how strong you are.

    If you're still on the border of not being sure, stick to shrimp and fish. I have an amazing salmon recipe if you're interested and it's easy - served best with broccoli and wild rice :)

    I love you! Whatever you decide to do, I have full faith in that decision and that you're doing the right thing for you .. and your body.

  5. i have really enjoyed all of the positive feedback everyone has given me on this decision... thank you sooo much for putting my mind at ease. yesterday i had my first taste of chicken and to my surprise, there were no tears. it felt right. natural. {that is... until i instantly threw up, but i knew it would take time for my body to adjust.}

    D -- love you & so excited to see you this weekend! you are always so supportive of me and i really, really appreciate it! you are such an awesome lady!

  6. you know, i thought i was following you. then this morning, i was like, "wow. she hasn't posted in a long time." so i came over and sure enough, i wasn't following you. what the heck.
    long story short: i'm following you now.
    that sounded creepy.

  7. I would definitely suggest the local, organic, grass-fed route. Also, be very careful to start up slowly if you decide to start eating meat again. Your body may reject it at first, because you've gone without eating it for so long. I've heard tales of vegetarians jumping back on the omnivore-wagon getting violently ill if they eat meat.

  8. i grew up in the rural south and was also the daughter of a pastor, so we weren't rich by any means. the majority of the food we ate was what my dad and brother hunted (deer, etc.). meat doesn't get any more natural than that! when i got in college i found out i had hypoglycemia and the doctor told me i had to cut out the majority of my sugar and carb intake and eat mostly protein. i definitely understand the struggle of wanting to be responsible with where meat comes from and the struggle of your body getting literally tired from carbs. you'll work it out, and it seems like you've realized that being healthy and happy and responsible all in one is the way to go. don't worry about what people will say...they'll come around :)

  9. Yeah, I went through teh same thing when I 'failed' at being a vegetarian. But ultimately, it would take such dedication to do it for life, without a partner also committing to it. We just buy free-range meats only now. The guilt is still there, but it's less - because you're supporting an up-and-coming industry that needs it.

  10. There is this GREAT farm in goochland you can go to and tour it to see how lovely the animals are treated. When i was eating meat there is where i bought it. I can take you one weekend! We can go on the tour.
    I gave up my vegan journey and it makes me sad. The only meat i am eating is seafood and i too feel guilty about it. But it was getting in the way of my life. People having to change dinner plans because they didn't have anything i could eat or going to a business dinner and not even beign able to eat the salad because of the cheese and dressing they had smothered it in already and the veggie option was lasagna laoded with cheese. So i feel your pain. I am not ready to go back to other meats yet. But then again i just eatched the Earthlings a couple months ago and it is burned in my brain. The fish thing is even hard some days. I just try to limit it and when i can i do eat Vegan (made a great meal for my friends the other night). But i love to cook so it helps. And i must say i am pretty good at it! ; ) I will be closer soon so if you ever feel like a Veggie friendly meal head to my apartment and we will whip something up.
    I have noticed the opposite. Now that i eat cheese and eggs again i feel sluggish and gross. And i cannot cook the eggs myself. I cracked eggs to make that creme brulee the other day and all i could think about was baby chicks. I started sobbing while cooking. I am a mess!!!


speak your mind! always!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...