confession time.

I have a confession. I never in my life thought that after 6 years of vegetarianism, I would even consider eating meat again. I have stuck by my beliefs for so long and taken so much pride in my ability to quit cold turkey, that these new feelings are basically a huge shock. Physically, I feel that this is what my body is telling me it is time to do. And I have always been pretty good at listening to my bodies needs. Psychologically, this is going to be really tough.

A few months ago I started eating fish again, and I would be lying if I told you I didn't get emotional about that. The guilt that came with that decision was almost overwhelming, and I felt so much shame admitting to friends and family that I had failed my journey. Very similar feelings arose when I started saying out loud that I don't believe in Christianity. So why am I now considering the return of hard core meat into my diet? I guess it's because sometimes life leads you in different directions and down a separate path than you may have chosen for yourself.

My husband eats meat. My friends eat meat. My dogs eat meat. My co-workers all eat meat. I am essentially alone in this journey, and given my lack in cooking abilities I have found it extremely difficult to stay motivated. I miss little things like sharing food with Sean and ordering off of a menu without needing to substitute or change the meal in some way. I also get embarrassed when I order pizza with my girlfriends and I insist that meat-infested pizza arrive in a totally separate box. I miss normalcy.

Besides the fact that I have been eating the same core meals year after year and am starving for some variety, I am beginning to realize that I need to take better care of my body. This is the reason I believe I am feeling deep inside my being that it is time for a change in the way that I eat. I feel sluggish, fat, and carbed-out. The more I exercise, it seems my efforts are cancelled out by the bowl of pasta or bag of chips that I consume directly after. God, and let's not even get into the amount of processed soy I eat in a day. It would be different if I liked raw veggies or knew how to cook up something different once in a while, but I don't. The more I read about ex-veggies, the more I hear about how they've "never felt better" and how they seem to feel more energized than ever once meat has been re-introduced into their diet. I want to feel that way, too.

But deep in the back of my mind I am still clinging to my values and struggling with how to be at peace with this decision. I was reading an article today about eating animal products that were raised locally and fed a grass diet, rather than corn {also, ones who were not pumped with hormones}. That does sort of calm my spirit, I do enjoy buying locally. And that could be just as effective in helping the environment. And it is probably much healthier than eating processed soy products and imitation meat.

Of course, I will also more than likely suffer mockery of this decision... the same people who constantly make fun of me for being vegetarian are more than likely going to poke fun at me falling off of the vegetarian band wagon. Not to mention my soap box.

But it is so important to listen to your body. And mine has been talking pretty loudly for several months now. I'll keep you posted.