As many of you know, I applied to grad school several months ago (read more about it here). If I'm being honest.... I was somewhat over-confident that I'd get in. I have a psychology undergrad, 5 years experience in the field, amazing references, a killer essay........... what more could they want? I'm sure you can imagine my anger/frustration/disbelief/saddness when I got the letter in the mail yesterday telling me that I did not get in.
I kind of felt like the dorky kid who didn't get invited to the popular table at lunch, and who sits alone in the bathroom to avoid the embarrassment that they're not cool enough to fit in. I cried, complained, screamed. Now what? I really hate it when you have a specific plan for you life, and it suddenly takes a sharp left turn when you were supposed to turn right. THIS IS NOT IN THE PLAN!!!!
What hurt most was my pride. I knew I'd get in... I thought for sure that they would all sit around praising my application and writing abilities and dedication to the field. Like I was a peace offering from the social work gods or something. But, alas... reality slapped me in the face and boy did that hurt.
But, honestly, I'm tired of being sad. So many things have happened this year already that I just cannot take sulking and crying and being overly dramatic about this. I didn't get in. The sooner I face this fact, the sooner I can figure out why and either apply again next semester or figure out what the heck else I'm going to do. It's a big wide world out there, and I truly believe that when some doors close... others open.
So rather than sulking last night, I took Sean out for dinner at a local brewery down the street called Legends. I ate 2 hot dogs and he had a bowl of chili... we split a basket of onion rings and ordered a few beers and just talked about life. I left feeling really good about myself, and really good about our marriage and the direction our relationship has taken over these past few years. I'm really lucky to have a supportive and loving husband, friends and family. I'm also lucky to have an incredible job and the fact that we are finally in the position to start talking about buying a house in the Summer. Even though I didn't get into grad school, I know deep deep down that everything will be ok. I know where my passions lie, and now I just have to see where they lead me.
Lesson of the week: Don't get cought up in plans that you have made for your life. Enjoy the ride, and let things work out naturally.