After this week, I will have been separated for an entire month. That feels weird to say. I think the oddest thing about the divorce process, and also the most liberating, is no longer having to answer to anyone else except for your own inner voice. That's not to say that I haven't gotten incredibly lonely - this is the first time that I've lived by myself and sometimes it's strange going to sleep without telling some one else goodnight. I can feel myself growing and changing by the second, and I feel as if my life looks different each time I blink.
It's been a process, but my boss has been amazing and let me take two weeks off to figure things out and start my new life. The first thing I did was clean my loft (my loft!) and make some girly purchases, such as a new purple bathroom. It felt good, theraputic even, to clean and clean and clean for three whole days. I was able to cry, to laugh, mostly... to trust myself. I'll be ok, this isn't the end of my life but the start of a new beginning.
I've been cutting corners so that I can afford to stay in my loft without moving -- it's expensive, but this way when my lease runs up in August I can move anywhere I want. I think I will probably leave Virginia for the first time in my entire life, and it feels like an adventure. I cut off cable and internet... and I feel more in touch with myself and reality than I expected. My days these past few weeks have involved waking up early, eating breakfast with my puppy, spending hours at the river, reading (I'm on book #4!), talking on the phone with old friends, cooking, wine drinking, and best of all: nightly three hour bubble baths.
It feels like I'm getting to know myself for the first time -- like I'm dating myself, treating myself good for once. Life is going to be okay for me. Maybe even more than okay... the sky's the limit!