I'm not really sure where this blog is going today. I have been searching for hours for some sense of inspiration, however all I can think about is that this is the last 3 weeks with my kidney. Don't get me wrong, I love Mitchell and it is such an honor to be able to help him find peace throughout all of this. I guess I am trying to figure out how I am supposed to feel. I am not afraid, but one has to admit that the feeling of giving away an organ is more than a little weird. In three weeks, we will be connected forever in a way that I've never connected with another being.
In a sense I am eager to see Mitchell laugh and run and play again. That's all I have been thinking about since June. No matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to wrap my mind around the fact that by doing somthing so little will produce such a huge impact. Life even. I try not to get emotional about it and to be strong for Mitchell and for my family, but I worry about Mitchell every single day. I think about the pain that he is in and how he has even been able to make it this long. This surgery is not only going to change Mitchell's life, but mine as well.
I have always loved people. Ever since I was a little girl, I have always wanted to help in any way that I can. I am drawn to people who need somthing. The homeless. Teenager's who have been abused. Drug addicts. But this is the first time that I feel I am actually stepping up and sacrificing a part of myself for another person. You always hear people talking about those in our communities who are "bad"... but I have never been able to see that, because there is always a reason for their behavior. In this case, Mitchell has done nothing wrong. He's innocent. He's young and has so much ahead of him.
It's hard to be scared for myself when I think about everything that Mitchell has been going through for the past few years. I think what I am gaining most from this experience is a closer connection to humanity and the belief that there is always some one in need, and we should always try our best to help.
I think what you are offering isn't a small thing at all and you are amazing for doing it. And the fact that you have so much peace in your decision will be comforting to those around you. And hopefully those same comfort and loving feelings will be felt in your kidney during the transplant! Nothing but good vibes to you!
ReplyDelete