Thursday, March 15, 2012


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Some days are really, really good. It seems as if the sun will never stop shining, laughter comes easy, and my heart is so full of hope and love and inspiration that it feels like it may burst at any second in the best possible way.

Then there are days when unexpectedly and unannounced, anxiety worm-holes its way into a weak spot of my brain and makes a filthy, dirty nest which eventually festers and bulges and feeds on those happy moments until it's ever growing hunger drains all of those light feelings and easy smiles and spits them out into my interior, filling it with a thick, tar-based mucus that feels unbearable and impossible to find my way out of.

Anxiety is a terrible little monster. It exposes all of my weaknesses at once in a fury so fierce that at the end of the day, I barley have the energy to bring my heavy body to bed and my eyes and head and entire being seem to burn from the inside out.

But I am strong and I know that Anxiety, my unwelcomed guest, cannot live inside me for very long. At the time, it feels as though it's keeping house deep within my soul for all of eternity. But, the world is so beautiful and there is a spark in my interior that always manages to push and push and push until all of the darkness and heavyness lifts and I am once again myself. Sometimes it's a warm breeze that literally melts away the cold, dark places seeping through to my exterior. Other times it's a deep laughter that comes as a surprise. While other times, it's simply sitting in silence and breathing in and out deeply.

This may have been a hard week, with anxiety shadowing my every move, but it will pass. This season will change. And I will find my way back out of this valley and continue up my own personal mountain. I will reach the top, and be able to enjoy the view knowing that I worked so hard to get to that place where I can appreciate it once again.

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