i love you.

Sometimes I watch you at night while you are sleeping. I think about all that you have been through and all that you are still going through. I think about the way your smile curls when you're making a joke or thinking of something clever. The way your hand seems to find mine while we are sleeping. The way you've invited me into your world, and how we are learning so much about life together.

I wasn't looking for you, and to be honest I wouldn't have picked you out specifically. I've always been one to keep others at a distance and you make that especially hard. Sometimes that's uncomfortable, but other times it's refreshing. You have changed my whole mentality in a way that is equally frightening as it is the most exciting thing I've ever experienced. For once, I am a part of a team - I no longer want to do it all on my own because sharing everything with you is so much more fulfilling. There isn't anything we can't accomplish together.

The thing that I love most about you is how you challenge me. You make me a better person because you expect a lot out of me, you really do. You push me to share my deepest secrets and to talk about feelings that I've kept bottled inside of me for almost forever. When I'm with you, I think about things differently and from all angles. We are so opposite, but it works. You balance me and make me complete. You fill the hole that has been left from all that my past has taken from me. You fill it up to the tippy-top and sometimes I'm so fulfilled that I can hardly breathe.

I have never felt as beautiful as I do now. You see things in me that I've attempted to hide from the world, and you pull them out of me and water them and feed them until they grow into something so wild and so free that they can no longer keep quiet. Sometimes when I'm sleeping, I can hear you whispering how much you love me. Those are my favorite moments, because in those moments there is so much love between us that it's electric. It's in those moments that I feel apart of something bigger; that I don't feel so alone.

It's not all easy, either. When we fight, I can literally feel my heart ripping open. But with each and every tear, my soul is making room for growth. It's in these moments that I continue to learn and to become the person who I am always striving to be. I am so proud of these moments, because we fight fair and we argue out of an undeniable connection to one another. These are the moments where my love for you is over-powering to the point where I realize how much there is to lose, and I remind myself to appreciate each and every second that we have together.

So for all of this, no matter what happens, I thank you. Thank you for giving me hope in the Universe. For teaching me to trust and to let others help me when I need it. For always being there when I need you the most. And simply for being who you are.

Because you are everything I've ever dreamed of, all wrapped into one human being. And until recently, I didn't think a love like ours was possible.

Stress.

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Some days are really, really good. It seems as if the sun will never stop shining, laughter comes easy, and my heart is so full of hope and love and inspiration that it feels like it may burst at any second in the best possible way.

Then there are days when unexpectedly and unannounced, anxiety worm-holes its way into a weak spot of my brain and makes a filthy, dirty nest which eventually festers and bulges and feeds on those happy moments until it's ever growing hunger drains all of those light feelings and easy smiles and spits them out into my interior, filling it with a thick, tar-based mucus that feels unbearable and impossible to find my way out of.

Anxiety is a terrible little monster. It exposes all of my weaknesses at once in a fury so fierce that at the end of the day, I barley have the energy to bring my heavy body to bed and my eyes and head and entire being seem to burn from the inside out.

But I am strong and I know that Anxiety, my unwelcomed guest, cannot live inside me for very long. At the time, it feels as though it's keeping house deep within my soul for all of eternity. But, the world is so beautiful and there is a spark in my interior that always manages to push and push and push until all of the darkness and heavyness lifts and I am once again myself. Sometimes it's a warm breeze that literally melts away the cold, dark places seeping through to my exterior. Other times it's a deep laughter that comes as a surprise. While other times, it's simply sitting in silence and breathing in and out deeply.

This may have been a hard week, with anxiety shadowing my every move, but it will pass. This season will change. And I will find my way back out of this valley and continue up my own personal mountain. I will reach the top, and be able to enjoy the view knowing that I worked so hard to get to that place where I can appreciate it once again.

Emotion.

it's the little things... like listening to a good playlist while cuddling with my puppy :)

As we grow and continue to evolve, we go through an array of emotions. Some days we are incredibly happy, others sad, others maybe even ambivalent. As an extremely emotional person (I blame it on being a true Cancer), it has taken me a long time to understand that it is okay to feel emotions - all of them; no emotion is bad.

It has taken me such a long time to come to terms with this. And I think that I am finally beginning to understand that emotions are natural and it's so important to feel them... not push them inward and attempt to ignore them. The first step, for me, has been taking the time to love myself -- all of me. Especially the messy imperfections.

The greatest lesson in life is cherishing things that make you happy, and learning to embrace and then let go the things that make you sad. Easier said than done, but it's a process and intentional path that you must choose individually. It's so worth it in the end.

You are the only person in the Universe exactly like you. Special, and worthy of love -- especially love for yourself. Life is such an incredible adventure, and every day is a new chance to learn and create and become whatever it is that truly makes you happy.

Sending you love from my little space on the internet - xx