I will tell you this: When I was a little girl, I would run to the edge of the forest, kick off my shoes as fast as I possibly could, and run deep deep deep into the trees until I could no longer see my house or hear another human being. In that space, I would imagine that I was the only person alive and I would slip off my dress and lay in the creek and pretend that life was always this easy. That life wasn't so complicated, and that I never had to leave that space unless I wanted to.
I always came back to civilization, though. But those hours that I spent in the forest gave me just enough hope in love and in humanity and in life that I was able to come back with my head held high. I knew that I did not fit into society, and that pleased me more than anything. Nature was my true home.
I would daydream about what you would be like. How the sun would place a perfect halo around the crown of your head, and how the wind would dance in your hair. You would sit next to me and with our toes in the cool water, you would hold my hand and I would place my head on your shoulder and we would sit in silence and be perfectly content with that.
The trees and animals would be our only witnesses, and you would pluck flowers from the ground and put them in my hair and make me feel like a princess. You would be my king; the king of the forest.
We would string lights from the trees and I would wear a white lace dress and barefoot we would walk along a path and before The Universe you would kiss me and I would be your bride and we would be happy there, in that space, forever.
Our song would be the birds chirping and the bees humming and the distant wolves howling with excitement. In the moonlight, we would lay underneath the stars and our bodies would keep us so warm that we would feel almost electric. The sparks between us would light up the night and create a display so beautiful that had anyone else been around, they would not be able to take their eyes off of it.
But this is the part of the story where I would always wake up, and I would reach for you beside me and the ground would be cold and empty. I would feel like a hollowed tomb and would pull my heavy body from that space and make the trek back home, back into society. Alone.
As broken as those daydreams would leave me though, they also excited me. Because my soul could never feel so lost or burdened unless you were really out there somewhere. So every day I would look for you, and I would ask The Universe to bring us together.
I'm still waiting, and I have not given up hope.