Oh, Arizona......

I don't normally use this space to vent about politics, but this is something that has been on my mind for quite some time. This morning I woke up and turned on the TV. It just happen to be a documentary with Spanish subtitles, and something kept me watching. The documentary is called Which Way Home and I haven't been able to think of much else today other than what I saw in this film.

I'm a sucker for documentaries. But this was more heart wrenching than I bargained for this morning and as I watched with tears swelling in my eyes, I decieded that people need to let go of their fears and stop judging people when they don't really know who they are and what they need.

There has been a lot said about Arizona and their new immigration law lately. Heck, there has been a lot of discussion about illegal immigration for a while now. A lot of hate and rejection and misunderstanding. And most of all, a hell of a lot of fear.

I can't say what I feel is a completely fair answer to our current illegal immigrant situation. All I know is what we have now isn't working. At all. It's a public display of racism and fear tactics and punishing a group of people without providing an individual face or even a name. Because that may make it a little too real. People may start to care. And we can't have that, can we?

A lot of people come to America because they want to provide a life for their family. Many of the children in this documentary wanted to reunite with parents, sisters or family members, and some of them just wanted to work for a little while so that they could earn money for school. I felt embarrassed as I watched a little girl crying because she imagined the US as a place where she could smile and be happy and be reunited with her sisters. And I have the actual nerve to complain about my job.

My dogs live better than these children.

My heart literally broke as I watched bodies being taken home to desperate mother's. Bodies of dead children, who did not make it through the desert and were so decayed that their parents weren't able to even look at their bodies. These children left their homes for a better life, and when they got to America it was not at all what they expected.

One boy turned himself in at the border, because he witnessed a mother and daughter being raped in a boxcar he was traveling in. By 15 men. Child after child told stories of police officers beating them and stealing their money. They left so full of hope, but day by day they were even more beat down. Some even regretted being born. Children shouldn't be treated like this. Nor should anyone. It's sick.

I felt a lump in my throat as I watched how brave they all tried to appear. Like it was no big deal that they could die at any moment. One man said that he felt sad when he saw children trying to cross the boarder, because he was so afraid himself that he couldn't imagine being that young and that far from their families. Two boys talked about how they saw some kids killed right in front of them, just by standing on top of the train and not ducking in time to miss the top of the tunnels. A lot of kids are run over by trains and many are lucky to survive with missing legs or arms. But they still take on the journey, even knowing the risks.

How can peoples hearts be so hardened that they can't see that something needs to change. The current system puts so many barriers between immigrants and legal citizenship. What would you do if your family was suffering and needed food. Clean water. Shoes. One boy wanted to make some money so that he could rescue his mother from his abusive step father. I can't say that I wouldn't do the same. I just hope in that situation I could be half as brave and half as determined.

We all have our differences, but as humans we are basically 99% the same. We all want to be loved, to learn, to have freedom. Nobody wants to see their families suffer, and the only hope many of these people have is the idea of a better life in America.

These are people. They aren't animals and they aren't monsters. More importantly, children are dying or being raped or becoming drug addicts because of their dream. The American Dream. The idea that if they were just given a chance, things could be better. They could grow up and become doctors. Help their communities. Rescue their families. Make a difference.

That's a lot weighing on a child's heart. To be a hero. To risk your life at just the possibility of finding something better.

I am disappointed in our country. And I really don't mind offending anyone, because whoever can see these people suffering and turn away or hate them or say they should be thrown in jail doesn't have my respect. Actually, I feel very sorry for people who are unable to love without conditions.

I choose to love these people. I don't even know them, but I feel connected to their spirits as human beings. I wish I could go to Mexico and hug them and take my hands and wipe the tears off of their faces. I want to tell them that it will be alright. That they won't suffer for long. That things will change, because they deserve to be happy.

I want to tell them that soon we will all wake up, and that this was just a very very bad dream.

shh... don't tell!

this was me today around 1:30....

.....and it was both very necessary and very delicious.

omg hurry up 5 o'clock!

My momma's home from DC! I wish that I was able to visit her while she was there for her class... but I chose the beach instead. Sigh, I heart you DC :)

{she took this one for ME! :)}

Enjoy your weekend & be sure to get plenty of sunshine and lots and lots of rest!

Pretend.

Sometimes I pretend that I live in a tribe. In the early morning I wake up in my hut made of mud and branches and woven leaves and stretch my arms up into the heavens. I stretch until it takes my breath and I turn my face upward towards the bright sun. Our life giver. Provider.

All of our huts are in one giant circle and in the center is a big bond fire that we light at dusk. During the day we spend time gathering fruits and mushrooms and forest plants, and some fish in the nearby stream and shoot arrows way up into the sky towards something to eat. We only take what we need. And we use everything. Our tribe knows nothing about packaged meats or grocery stores or big, tall buildings made up of metal. We have heard stories from our ancestors, but none of us really believe that people once lived that way.

The witch doctor paints our faces with red clay and children run past us, beating their chests and screaming like little spider monkey's. We stand in the cool water and splash our faces and clean our clothes. We pick out tiny little pebbles and make necklaces and earrings. Some weave baskets while others make headbands out of wild flowers.

We are encompassed in the forest and the only ones who enter the tribe are those who want to be there. Who have forgotten the complexities of prescription medications and hair dye. Who realize that nobody ever really wins in a war. And that all anyone ever wants in this life is love.

At dusk we light the fire and cook our meal. We all share it. We cuddle up around in a cirle and my child is on your lap and yours is playing with my hair, because they are their own people and don't really belong to us anyway. We tell stories and laugh and play. We are a family, all different yet mostly the same.

When the ambers dye down and it becomes so dark that you cannot even see your hands in front of you, we retreat to our huts. We sleep on hammocks and look up at the sky. The moon is so big that you can see the Man in it, if you just look close enough. And the sky is so clear that if you reach out, you can almost touch the stars.

We thank the Earth for all that it has provided, and fall asleep to a cool wind and the sound of crickets and owels and the slow steady pace of the stream beside us. We sleep knowing that we are safe, that we are loved, and that we are at one with eachother.

{photo credit}

unless...

I feel like I have been gone for a very long time. I have been rushing from training to training and relaxing in between at Corolla Beach. But this space brings me back to my center and reminds me of the importance in reflection. The importance in sitting back and looking at who we are as people and what we have done and will do to make a difference.

Writing is so important to me that when I don't have the chance to sit down and type... I miss it. I miss the emotions that it stumbles upon and the way it forces me to look at things in a different way. So, it is good to be back.

I have been away from home for several days, and it felt so good to sleep in my own bed last night with my two puppies that I have missed so much. It was nice laying there, listening to the rain, as Samson and Pete curled up so close to me that we ended up in one giant dog pile. I love sleeping in a pile. I love being a part of a family with them and with my husband and our tiny loft with so much personality. We talked, Sean and I, and we may stay here just a little longer.

Lately I have been a little sad. But nothing will change if I sit and dwell on things without doing something - anything - to make it even a little better. I am starting with our loft. There is so much that can be done with it, but I have neglected to do so because I have been so wrapped up in buying our own home. The loft needs some love. I think tonight I will start by re-arranging our bedroom and may move from room to room looking for insirpation. I may even splash a little color on the walls. It needs a definite pick me up, and so do I.

I am unhappy at work, and although I should be thankful to have a job in the first place, I find myself bored and useless. Like a paper pusher. I continue to submit writing sample after writing sample, and some day soon I will be discovered and it will be a nice little oasis for myself. I've also been looking for jobs in my feild that will make me happy and allow me to do more. We spend so much time at work, and sitting in an office without windows just isn't for me. So I'm going to change that.

I have just been thinking so much about this lately that it's been consuming me. The need to change and re-arrange and re-invent myself has totally taken over everything else. I feel inspired at the possibilities that are before me, and the simple fact that by this time next year I have no idea where I will end up. I need that little bit of not knowing to uplift my spirits.

beach babes -

There's no combination of words

I could put on the back of a postcard

No song that I could sing

But I can try for your heart

Our dreams, and they are made out of real things

Like a, shoebox of photographs

With sepiatone loving

Love is the answer,

At least for most of the questions in my heart

Like why are we here? And where do we go?

And how come it's so hard?

It's not always easy and

Sometimes life can be deceiving

I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together

{Jack Johnson}

Tomorrow I'm going to rush through work and then I'm headed to the beach. I can't tell you how excited I am to feel the salt in my hair and the hot sand burning my feet as I rush to lay out my blanket. I want to nap in the morning while I listen to the waves rushing in and out. Gossiping with my best friends and dreaming that this weekend will never end.

I need the beach. I am drawn to water as if it's my beginning. My alpha and my omega. My inspiration and sense of freedom and belonging that pulls me out of reality and allows me to live in my imaginary world, uninterrupted.

I even bought a new bathing suit.

This weekend will be magical and it will be hard to focus tomorrow until 5 o'clock... maybe I'll sneak out early. I've just got to get to the beach...

xoxo

Rain Dance -

Don't threaten me with love, baby. Let's just go walking in the rain. {billie holiday}

I am a being of Heaven and Earth, of thunder and lightning, of rain and wind, of the galaxies. {eden ahbez}

I believe in running through the rain and crashing into the person you love and having your lips bleed on each other. {billy bob thornton}

I love the rain. I want the feeling of it on my face. {katherine mansfield}

I think it's really important to use your hands and get close to materials. To be up close to real things like rain and mud; to have contact with nature. {robin day}

Hope you're enjoying the rain today! Breathe it in and feel refreshed!

all photos above found on google