a favorite spot on my weekly walks to the James River
Each of us has a path that we must find and follow. These paths are unique to each of us, and are never easy. Along our path, there are rivers we must cross, mountains we must climb, and rocks we sometimes stumble upon. It's easy to lose your balance and get swept up into the sea or to isolate yourself in the deepest caves of your imagination. Your path may change from one day to the next, or hour to hour. But in the midst of these challenges and tough decisions, there are moments when we each must realize that the struggles are what bring us to a place of calm reassurance and ultimately, if we're lucky, self love. These moments, where we feel and understand the blessing of each new adventure, are what life is all about.
I don't want this blog to be a place where I solely focus on my recent divorce, but rather a space where I work through these complex emotions, ever changing journeys, and remind myself over and over and over that I am enough, I am worth loving, and that trusting myself has never lead me off course. Although I've strayed from my path from time to time, I've always managed to come back to my inner desires - my path of self discovery and adventure that I so cherish and wouldn't give up for any amount of material belongings.
My connection to nature and my love for humanity have always been my North Star; these things always lead me home, always bring me back to my center and remind me of what brings true joy and ultimate happiness. Living alone, without internet or cable, is difficult. There have been nights when I've cried myself to sleep and then woken the next morning only to feel my eyes and cheeks burning from tears that still needed release. But more recently, the tears have been replaced with a sense of wholeness and I am okay being with myself. I am okay with laughing, I don't feel guilty for being happy, and each day is a brand new adventure.
Although I appreciate quiet moments in my loft, snuggled up with my two precious puppies and a good book, or even soaking in a bubble bath with some soothing music, I have begun to venture out by exploring my city and meeting new people. The highlight of my weekends have become waking up early, packing a warm croissant with pumpkin butter/coffee/lemonade, and soaking in the fresh air at the river. I have so many strong, amazing women in my life now -- women with similar values and on similar paths, who I connect with in a way that is so new to me. We spend time together with deep belly laughs, cooking yummy dinners, and reaffirming each others self worth.
Work has become a place where I have finally figured out how to pull my creativity into my daily routine, and I have flourished and am content with my career in a way that I did not think was possible. I have taken more time to talk and get to know my co-workers, have felt more comfortable empathising with my clients, and have made stronger bonds in the community which has been beneficial to both myself and my company.
I wake up early each day (where as I used to struggle to get out of bed) and am excited knowing that anything is possible. I could meet another kindred spirit, I could connect with a client in a way that I haven't before, I could learn something new about myself, I could help a stranger. I have worries and struggles, don't get me wrong, but my attitude has shifted and my glass has become half full.
There are so many possibilities available to my life that would not have been had I stayed in my marriage. I am looking at moving to a state where there is more focus on nature and community. I am in the process of starting a side cleaning buisness so that I can continue to live comfortably (it's hard adjusting to a smaller income, being on my own now). I have so many thoughts about road trips, seeing new places, and camping adventures. If I have a gut feeling, a desire that I cannot explain, I no longer feel the need for an explaination - I trust myself, get what I can out of each day, and follow my path without looking back. Life is beautiful, is it not?