i love you.

Sometimes I watch you at night while you are sleeping. I think about all that you have been through and all that you are still going through. I think about the way your smile curls when you're making a joke or thinking of something clever. The way your hand seems to find mine while we are sleeping. The way you've invited me into your world, and how we are learning so much about life together.

I wasn't looking for you, and to be honest I wouldn't have picked you out specifically. I've always been one to keep others at a distance and you make that especially hard. Sometimes that's uncomfortable, but other times it's refreshing. You have changed my whole mentality in a way that is equally frightening as it is the most exciting thing I've ever experienced. For once, I am a part of a team - I no longer want to do it all on my own because sharing everything with you is so much more fulfilling. There isn't anything we can't accomplish together.

The thing that I love most about you is how you challenge me. You make me a better person because you expect a lot out of me, you really do. You push me to share my deepest secrets and to talk about feelings that I've kept bottled inside of me for almost forever. When I'm with you, I think about things differently and from all angles. We are so opposite, but it works. You balance me and make me complete. You fill the hole that has been left from all that my past has taken from me. You fill it up to the tippy-top and sometimes I'm so fulfilled that I can hardly breathe.

I have never felt as beautiful as I do now. You see things in me that I've attempted to hide from the world, and you pull them out of me and water them and feed them until they grow into something so wild and so free that they can no longer keep quiet. Sometimes when I'm sleeping, I can hear you whispering how much you love me. Those are my favorite moments, because in those moments there is so much love between us that it's electric. It's in those moments that I feel apart of something bigger; that I don't feel so alone.

It's not all easy, either. When we fight, I can literally feel my heart ripping open. But with each and every tear, my soul is making room for growth. It's in these moments that I continue to learn and to become the person who I am always striving to be. I am so proud of these moments, because we fight fair and we argue out of an undeniable connection to one another. These are the moments where my love for you is over-powering to the point where I realize how much there is to lose, and I remind myself to appreciate each and every second that we have together.

So for all of this, no matter what happens, I thank you. Thank you for giving me hope in the Universe. For teaching me to trust and to let others help me when I need it. For always being there when I need you the most. And simply for being who you are.

Because you are everything I've ever dreamed of, all wrapped into one human being. And until recently, I didn't think a love like ours was possible.

Romantic Robots.

I think that from birth, little girls are spoon fed details and given directions to this perfect romance, this prince charming, that we always seem to look and hope for. Tucked deep away in our story books seem to be instructions on how it is that we should act in order to find this 'prince charming'... our knight in shining armour who will sweep us off our feet and take care of us forever. I can't speak for little boys and how this effects them, all this talk about how they need to fight to the death for their flawless (and helpless) princess. But I'd imagine maybe it's similar. Maybe they feel the pressures of society as well?

But what about those of us who don't quite fit the description in the first place? Those of us who ran barefoot in the forest pounding our chests, pretending to be animals or other strange, un-pretty beings. Building forts and rescuing, rather than waiting to be rescued? What about the little girls who are not looking for some one to take them to a far away castle.... the little girls who are looking for a fellow adventurer and a log cabin on top of a very large mountain. The ones who never brush their hair, who cover their bodies in tattoos, who have dirt under their fingernails? The ones who are looking for their equal? Those whose 'happily ever after' doesn't involve sipping tea and pretty dresses and servants and never misbehaving or raising ones voice or speaking the truth? Some of us even grow into women who prefer things a bit messy. A bit rough around the edges.

I used to think that you could learn to love anyone. That if you tried hard enough, you would fall in love and you would create this fantasy that Disney has been brainwashing children with for centuries. That if you spoke up a little less, gave a little more, always looked your best - your very own prince charming would fall deeply in love with you and the rest of the outside world would fade away. It would just be the both of you, locked away in your perfect castle, never arguing or crying or sitting in silence hating each other. But that's more of a fairytale than anything. You can't force love. It's not something you can study and dissect and experiment with until you finally wind up with some one who you are unbearably attracted to. Sometimes two people plain and simply aren't right for one another, no matter how much work you put into changing and often losing yourselves entirely.

The excitement is exploring those around you, finding out what you can live with and what you can live without. Not settling. Not changing. Not brushing your hair or putting make up on for any other reason than just feeling like it. Not pretending to be a victim when you're strong. Not wearing shoes because you like the way the grass and dirt feel when they touch your feet. And noticing those around you who enjoy the same things. That person, your prince, might just have dreadlocks, probably won't have a 6 pac, and most definintly won't ride around on a white horse looking like an asshole.

If I'm being honest, which I often find it hard not to be, I want some one who challenges me. Who isn't afraid to talk dirty. Who has a messy past but is somehow optomistic in how beautiful life is. Who knows my flaws and my weaknesses and all of the ugly parts of me. I want some one who could never leave me. Someone I feel so happy and comfortable and complete with, that I never have to wonder if I'm missing out on life  because with them I feel alive. I don't want to feel like a robot.

Someone who would write something like this, perhaps:

not the exact credit, but close enough?

you are all stardust.

Is it just me... or do you find this to be incredibly romantic?